Second-guessing: Did I make the right decision to homeschool?

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Second-guessing: Did I make the right decision to homeschool?

Big Brother Caleb loves to read to his little sister Abi.

"My books are in bad shape because they are so well used, but my kids' minds couldn't be more stimulated, educated, and happy—reading another beloved Sonlight book! Thank you for playing a huge part in making my children LOVE TO LEARN ™ !"

Lynn K. of Tifton, GA

Maybe you've hit some bumps since your first day of school...

You're two months in. Maybe your son is throwing a fit, your daughter is crying over a math problem, the dishes are piling up, and you feel in over your head.

At times like this, you wonder: Did I make the right decision to homeschool?

As you second-guess yourself, do you sometimes feel like a homeschool failure?

Not a Failure... A Learner

Let me encourage you: I know you can do this.

I challenge you to think of yourself not as a failure, but as a learner. That's how you want your kids to think when they face a challenge, right? You don't expect them to get everything right the first time.

When things don't go well in your homeschool, it's not that you've failed. The struggles just give you and your children an opportunity to grow. You can step back and say, "Well that didn't go very well. What could we do differently in the future?"

If you have that conversation with yourself or the children ten times in one day, that's still not failure. That's modeling to them how to grow. It's modeling that we can evaluate what we're doing and figure out how to do it better.

I encourage you do drill down and identify what's making you feel like a failure and making you wonder if you made a mistake to homeschool at all.

Second-guessing Your Own Angry Outbursts

Is it that you lose your temper with your children sometimes? I hear that from guilt-ridden moms often. So what can you do to move in the right direction in that regard?

  • Maybe you need to learn to apologize to your children when that happens.
  • Maybe you need to start the morning with a calming praise song.
  • Maybe you need more protein for breakfast.
  • Maybe you need to make a plan of what to do when you notice yourself getting riled up.

Second-guessing the Kids' Attitudes

Do you feel second-guess your choice to homeschool because your kids don't beg for school every day? Maybe you need to give them some grace, too. I've heard that kids new to homeschooling need at least one week of homeschooling for every year they were in regular school to adjust. It's a big change for you and them.

Not every day will be homeschool bliss. But if your kids are consistently struggling, perhaps they need more protein and less sugar for breakfast. Maybe they need more sleep. Maybe they need more time to play outside, or a short cuddle with you before school. Maybe you need to switch up your daily schedule. Maybe school will just be hard for them and they will develop perseverance as you kindly but firmly help them learn age-appropriate disciplines.

There's Help for Homeschooling

Whatever the issue that's causing you to second-guess your decision to homeschool, know that you have options. Don't give up! Instead, you could:

  • Be really honest with your spouse about how you're feeling, and brainstorm solutions to the problems you see.
  • Call a Sonlight Homeschool Advisor (at no charge) and chat with an experienced homeschooler about ideas you could try.
  • Talk to fellow homeschoolers and see what's worked for them.
  • Just try something different and see how it goes.
  • Pray, pray, pray. If God has called you to this, he will help you on the path.

Homeschooling won't always be smooth sailing. But take those rough seas as learning opportunities. As Thomas Edison supposedly said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."Fortunately, you don't have to pioneer homeschooling the way Edison pioneered the light bulb. You have Instructor's Guides, a supportive community, Homeschool Advisors, and a complete curriculum to help you out.


Refuel Your Homeschool

With great rewards, come great sacrifice... and homeschooling is no different. Boy, some days are tough and make you second-guess your decision to homeschool. Download this free guide to help you remember WHY you chose to homeschool in the first place.


A Better You Because of Homeschooling

Homeschooling gives you the chance to learn from your mistakes every day. Think of how much you will have grown in patience, creativity and academic skills years from now if you stick with this amazing calling!

I've always said that anything worth doing will encounter resistance. And I believe homeschooling to be a high and worthy calling. Struggles probably don't mean that you're wrong to homeschool. They just come with the territory when you set out to do something great.

Please know that you are in my prayers. I count it an honor to pray daily for all Sonlight moms and dads who are working hard to do right by their families. We are in this together!

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Keys to Foreign Language Proficiency for the Homeschool Family

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Keys to Foreign Language Proficiency for the Homeschool Family
Katy, age 11 (in the yellow and orange fiesta clothing) poses with her friends at Children's Haven International in Reynosa, Mexico.

"Our yearly family mission trips in Mexico has been enriched by Sonlight in multiple ways. The friendships we have developed over the years are a great incentive to learn Spanish, and through Sonlight we purchased the Rosetta Stone Latin American version. We have been inspired by the mission-minded and culturally sensitive literature, beginning in the preschool curriculum through high school. The 1,800 mile round-trip in a church van always includes Sonlight books. The content of the program prepares us for seeing God's love even in the challenges and suffering from broken families that we encounter while serving the needy children of Mexico."

Amanda F. of North Newton, KS

Adding a foreign language to your homeschool day may be as simple as picking out a curriculum and penciling it into the schedule. Successfully achieving conversational confidence or long-lasting fluency in a foreign language, on the other hand, requires a completely different level of commitment.

We all know people who claim to have taken 2-4 years of high-school classes in French, German, or Spanish, but in adulthood, no longer remember how to say anything other than wastepaper basket and Where is the bank? in the language that they spent so many years studying.

How can we ensure that our homeschool students’ language studies will not meet the same sad fate? Proficiency in a second language can be a daunting task. The reason why so many former language students completely lose the languages they once studied can often be traced back to a lack of internal motivation and connection to the language, combined with a lack of opportunity to use what they have learned. Take these steps as you design a foreign language program for your homeschool, especially if your goal is for your child to truly master a second language.

"We live in China. Our local friends began bringing their children over a few times a week to learn how we homeschool, using Sonlight. We love all the interactive learning Sonlight has, like learning body parts in Science using the song Them Bones. Our friends participated in a Language Arts assignment to make an obstacle course. We practiced all the different verbs in both Chinese and English. The Chinese children have learned to read using Sonlight's K program and can read all the Fun Tales series. It has helped my Chinese friends learn more about how they themselves can teach their children and has helped give my children more confidence in speaking and using the Chinese language!" —Katie R. of Chattanooga, TN


1. Choose the Language with Care

Sure, a random natural interest in a language might be enough reason to choose that language. If your child has always dreamed of studying German, that may be reason enough to choose a German program.

However, language acquisition will be most successful when you choose a language that, because of your own family’s circumstances, strongly inspires internal motivation to learn and offers the most external opportunities to be used in everyday life. 

When considering which language to study, consider your geographic location and family background:

  • What minority languages are most commonly spoken in your community?
  • What languages might your family be called upon to use in future careers or volunteer roles?
  • Consider your family’s heritage: Where does your family originally come from? Do you have relatives who speak a language other than English?

What This Decision Was Like for My Family

We were in a slightly conflicted situation. My husband is a native Spanish speaker and for his extended family, Spanish is the primary language of conversation. However, we live in a country where Spanish is not spoken at all and where educational resources or entertainment in Spanish are non-existent. The wider language of communication where we live is English, but different local communities speak Asian languages—of which, I can speak Mandarin Chinese, but my husband does not. I have a reasonably strong grasp of Spanish, but don’t consider myself fluent in the language.

"After we read The Year of the Baby, we were telling our friends about the book. They came over and taught us some Chinese words and how to make bao zi. It was a fun cultural exchange. Because of Sonlight, we make cultural connections which bring the stories to life!"
—Sarah Z. of Clarkston, GA


In the end, for us, the familial connection trumped the linguistic circumstances of our location, and we opted to prioritize Spanish as our family language alongside English. I am remaining open to adding Mandarin Chinese into our classes when we are further into the formal school years. But for now, the right choice for our family is focusing on the languages of our son’s heritage: English and Spanish.

2. Don’t Limit Language Learning to School Hours

You may have seen some programs which tout that you can learn a language in 15 minutes a day. In my own experience of language learning, results are always correlated to the time invested. Choose a language curriculum that works for your family, but don’t stop your language learning once you’ve checked that box in each day’s schedule.

To maximize learning, you’ll need to be proactive in finding ways to increase exposure to and use of the language:

  • You might opt to volunteer as a family in a community where the language is spoken.
  • You can find audio and visual entertainment options that exist in your target language, whether they are movies, television shows, songs, audio books, or podcasts, and incorporate those into your family’s entertainment time.

Strive to use the target language together as a family outside of school hours.

What This Looks Like for My Family

We tend to naturally speak in Spanish at various times of day. We’ve chosen that most of our children’s picture book collection be composed of Spanish books, which helps me, the non-native speaker, because reading to my son in Spanish is very easy for me. My husband plays his favorite Spanish-speaking musical artists daily, and my son listens in on Spanish language conversations between his dad and his abuelos on a regular basis.

"Living in China, we have tried several ways for our children to learn the language. Rosetta Stone has proven to help them with pronunciation, sentence structure, and grammar at an easy, kid-friendly pace, giving them confidence when speaking and playing with Chinese neighbors." — Katie R. of Chattanooga, TN

3. Expect to Invest Time and Money

Proficiency in a second language typically requires a significant investment of both time and money. I would not recommend trying to learn a language solely through free resources. While it may be possible if you are learning a popular language and are very dedicated to seeking out free resources—do not underestimate the value of high-quality, thorough curriculum and experienced teachers.

Free apps are fun and useful, but the reason that I am a confident speaker of Mandarin Chinese is because I took four years of college classes in the language and then spent five years living in Asia and speaking the language regularly. It’s not because of playing Duolingo for free and listening to free podcasts (though I’ve done both).

Is the investment worth it? I would say it is absolutely worthwhile.

There is almost no better way to show love and value and respect for another person than by learning to speak the language of their heart. There is also almost no better way to learn humility than to attempt to begin conversing with a native speaker in a second language.

What This Investment is Like for My Family

Because my family doesn’t have access to public libraries with books in Spanish, we have invested money in building our own collection. We invest time each day into actively speaking Spanish as a family. In the future, as our son reaches school age, we plan to invest in Spanish grammar curriculum to use alongside our English language arts curriculum so that he can learn the rules for both. Because we chose a language that both parents understand, we don’t foresee needing to hire a native language teacher, but such a cost will be a worthwhile investment for many families.

Deciding that you want your homeschooled student to become multilingual is not an easy step, and not one that’s likely to be accomplished either for free or without significant planning and life changes on the part of homeschool parents. But proficiency in a foreign language will benefit them throughout their lives. Moreover, it is one more way they can serve, love, and respect others the way Christ has called us to do. Sonlight offers Rosetta Stone language curriculum as an amazing first step into the deep and thrilling waters of language acquisition.

At Sonlight, we  strongly recommend that students learn a foreign language beginning by sixth grade at least. Choose from Rosetta Stone in 24 different languages!

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How to Create a Family Anthology of Your Child’s Creative Writing

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I’ve been looking for a way to make the most of the stories, poems, jokes, and plays that my children write as part of their Sonlight Language Arts curriculum. We’ve always added them to homeschooling portfolios and stored them in the basement where they patiently await rediscovery years from now.

It’s sad, I know, but I didn’t know what else to do. Until now. Let me tell you about our Family Anthology.

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7 Solutions When a Rocky Start Threatens Your Homeschool Year

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7 Solutions When a Rocky Start Threatens Your Homeschool Year

Starting a new homeschool year is so exciting! Just the thought of sharpened pencils that still have their erasers, fresh notebooks, and newly cracked books set my heart racing.

Yes, I’m totally that mom.

I’m also the mom who knows from experience that no matter how new my curriculum is or how sparkly my markers are, there is bound to be some struggle a few weeks into the school year.

The transition from summer to fall is tough even for those of us who homeschool year round. As the days get cooler and we spend more and more time inside together during the fall, a few hiccups and occasional train-wrecks are nigh unavoidable.  

So how can you save the homeschool year when your first quarter has a rocky start?

Well, it’s not easy, friend, but it’s doable. Here are seven tips to help you stay on course when your homeschool year has a rocky start. 

1. Make Peace with Imperfection

As much as we might like to have a group of cooperative, eager-to-learn kids every single morning, the reality is often different. Starting a new routine or grade level may exacerbate this reality.

Total truth? Some mornings, Mom isn’t all that shiny and happy to be at the morning table either. We can’t always control how we feel, but we can acknowledge it, accept it, and move forward anyway. 

2. Encourage Positive Habits

When we are rested, fed, and safe, we are more apt to enjoy learning. We can help our kids adjust to a new schedule by ensuring every day has room for

We can also adjust our expectations for days that are plagued by sickness or that follow an emotionally intense or busy day.

3. Allow an Adjustment Period

Before throwing the new curriculum in the trash or putting your child back on the bus after an intense argument, give yourself and your kids a chance to adjust. Anything new—good or bad—takes practice and exposure before it’s comfortable.

True confession? We almost didn’t do Sonlight Science after a ping pong ball in the toilet incident. How can I trust kids with clay and citric acid if they are having trouble controlling themselves around a ping pong ball? Well, we start with the ping pong ball and other safe materials as we all adjust to the organized chaos that is experiments with four young kids.

Giving up after a couple of rough days would have been a mistake. I’m so grateful we didn’t miss out on Sonlight Science which is now one of our favorite subjects!

4. Be Open

If you’re having a rough time getting started and things aren’t clicking, it’s okay to admit that things aren’t going as well as you hoped. When your kids are struggling you might even say to them, “We just haven't found our groove yet.”

Yet is huge! It lets them know you aren’t giving up and that it will happen eventually. 

5. Expect Bad Days

Bad days are as given as gravity. Remind yourself and your kids that bad days are going to happen—even when everything is planned ahead, the curriculum is the best on the market, and everyone is wearing new clothes. Especially when everyone is wearing new clothes. I joke, but you get the point.

No matter how much we prepare and perfectly arrange our homeschool, life has twists and turns we can't anticipate. You'll at times get behind on your homeschool schedule. Facing setbacks with perseverance, grit, and faith goes a long way to defining and strengthening us as a homeschool family.

6. Remain Humble

Homeschool is challenging. When things go right, mind your manners and send a prayer of thanks, because when they go wrong we are quickly reminded how much we need Him in our lives.

Even in the roughest patches there is always something for which to be grateful. Hold onto it, treasure it, and thank God for it! None of us have all of the answers all of the time. If you are in a rough season it’s okay to ask for help from family, friends, church, or other support groups. 

7. Homeschooling Doesn't Define You

Remember that a rough spot at the start of your homeschool year does not need to define your entire year, nor does it define you or your kids. You are so much more than just a homeschool mom! You are an amazing person who has chosen to give so much of themselves for the betterment of your family.

Sure, homeschooling is part of your life, but it’s not your whole life. Be sure to keep this slice of time in perspective and not let it overwhelm. 

  • Take a breath.
  • Read a book.
  • Go for a walk. 
  • Engage in your hobby.
  • Talk about something (anything) else with your husband. 
  • Send up prayers and gratitude. 
  • Hug your kids. 
  • Call a friend. 

Make sure to count all those little successes that will add up over time and just keep homeschooling! You can do this! 

Choosing the right curriculum makes all the difference for your school year. If your homeschool needs a makeover, consider Sonlight.

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Treasuring Sibling Conflict: The DNA of Vital Homeschool Lessons

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Treasuring Sibling Conflict: The DNA of Vital Homeschool Lessons

It is not that an amount of social interaction should be permitted up until the point that it distracts from academic work. It is more that academic work should be permitted up until the point that it distracts from social interaction.  

How often did you hear, “You have not come here to socialise!” at school? Other people were considered a hindrance to proper school-work. Peers certainly were, let alone younger children. We cannot, however, ask a child to ignore his friends for the sake of abstracted knowledge, not just because abstracted knowledge is unduly arduous but because knowledge, abstracted from other people, is actually bad.  

Knowledge Puffs Up; Love Builds Up 

Knowledge puffs up, you could say, if it is not in service of others. Even in preparation for future service, lonely knowledge is prideful and inert. In fact, relationship is your curriculum’s most costly resource. 

My six-year-old daughter broke a pencil, shading the forests of South America for Science B, and despairingly threw the broken pencil at her four-year-old brother. 

“You do it,”she barked. He paused to look at the abandoned pencil. I waited with a sinking heart. 

“Okay,” he said, and took up the pencil. She was surprised and disarmed by his response. He had absorbed the fiery advance and made peace. He scribbled with the broken pencil, and she was drawn in once more to gently (but imperiously) improve his grip.

Once the map was completed, they threw it to their two-year-old brother who ripped it to shreds delightedly, to their applause.  

I was angry about the whole ordeal. They missed the point of the lesson, only to get caught up in a childish clash. Or maybe there is more to it than that. The six-year-old wrote a quote from Sticks Across the Chimney (from History / Bible / Literature C) in her Discovery Journal that afternoon. 

"Good begets good.” 

Good Begets Good

Whether it was a reflection on her brother’s unwillingness to reciprocate her angry outburst, or on her failure to forestall a vicious cycle, or whether it was connected at all, I don’t know. But it made me rethink the result of the lesson, and what the lesson was.  

Her four-year-old brother surely saw how frustrated she was with the broken pencil, but took it as an opportunity to help her. He finished the task that her temper had rendered too difficult. He was able to show a glimmer of Joseph’s grace-powered announcement that, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” Together, they were able to make a straight line with a crooked pencil.  

If the lesson I was interested in having was, in the final analysis, the geography lesson, I had failed, and so had the students. If the lesson, on the final analysis, is moral and spiritual, then I can release control.

The DNA of a Homeschool Lesson

Not only should the geography lesson be preparation for future loving service of God, but it must be in the very DNA of the lesson. They will forget the majority of the geography lesson, but it is that DNA which will form the basis of tenfold future lessons. That DNA, of relinquishment of self and seeking after God, is the lesson that lasts.  

Next time you mark it as a failure when your six-year-old throws a broken pencil or your twelve-year-old storms out of the classroom, consider the DNA of your lesson.

Is the DNA the teacher and her information, or is it God and His work in your children? If so, then your failures are not failures. God never fails. In His upside down kingdom, it is

  • the exasperated child who is wise
  • the disabled sibling who is strong
  • the whining two-year-old who teaches
  • the angry ten-year-old who makes peace
  • the distracted four-year-old who breaks through
  • the tired parent who creates

That is the DNA of a godly lesson in a homeschool family. That is the death of the self. 

Permit academic work up until it hinders social interaction. That doesn’t mean limiting the number of geography lessons, but it does mean limiting a sense of control. I can control a lesson plan, but I can’t control a child’s heart. If love is greater than knowledge, then the DNA of your geography lesson is other people. It is learning to be the hands and feet of Jesus. 

If our children fill their heads with geography, trampling and ignoring others as they do so, this may become irreparable DNA damage, making geography, I believe, harder and harder to retain.  

I treasure sibling conflict for the same reason I treasure whines and distraction and exhaustion: Weak people need a strong God. It is when we are at our most unlovely that Christ is supremely treasured. Let Him be the DNA of your lesson.  

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5 Ways to a Simplified Homeschool Environment

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Do you find yourself frustrated with all the homeschool stuff cluttering your home? Do you feel like you are constantly rearranging and organizing? Do you wish you could downsize and rid yourself of the overabundant, ever-growing stockpile of school supplies and materials?

Me, too! But there is hope!

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5 One-Liners That Transform the Way I Homeschool

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a mom reading outdoors with three children who are smiling as the moom reads the book.

As I go through my days, homeschooling six children and serving the Lord in a variety of ways at home, at church, and in the community, I am regularly blessed by a handful of one-liners that invigorate me and help me to do the right thing with the right attitude. These five phrases come to my mind, and shape my life, on an almost daily basis.

“Just Do It”

Whenever I long to connect with my children, to read more books, to play more games, and to be more affectionate, I remember the phrase made famous by Nike, “Just do it”. Instead of grabbing the calendar to schedule a time or revamping our homeschool day or, worse, despairing over my failure to do these things, I just do the thing I’m longing to do. 

Cindy Rollins writes about this in her lovely memoir Mere Motherhood: Morning Times, Nursery Rhymes, & My Journey Toward Sanctification:

So often mothers worry about what they are not doing. I hear these things all the time… To these moms, I say, “get up right now and do THAT thing.” Today, now, put down this book and have your child immediately write a narration or have your devotions or take a walk.

This tidbit of advice transforms my ideals, theories, hopes, and dreams into realities. Grab this little phrase for yourself. I can’t recommend it enough.

“I’ve Changed My Mind”

Years ago, I was feeling stuck by one of my decisions for our homeschool.

Things weren’t working for my child, but I didn’t want to second-guess myself, cave into my child’s complaints, or appear uncommitted. My friend, Renee, comforted me with the truth that I could change my mind. She reminded me that only God is perfect and unchanging; humans have limited understanding and are learning new insights all of the time.  

Parenting became less burdensome when I realized that it's okay to reassess and modify my decisions. On a regular basis, I need to tell my children that I’ve changed my mind. It is humbling, but it also demonstrates that I am learning and adapting as I go.

You can change your mind, too, you know.

When you need to adjust a rule, a schedule, or a decision because circumstances have changed or you have learned a new insight, go ahead and change. Your child will respect your honesty, humanity, and flexibility.

“They’ll Remember How You Made Them Feel”

Instead of prioritizing lessons, field trips, experiences, and educational resources in our homeschool, I’m learning to prioritize the atmosphere, my attitude, and my affection toward my family. More than any historical fact, spelling word, or math concept, my children will remember how I made them feel from day to day.

  • Did I communicate God’s love for them?
  • Did I communicate my love for them? 

Becoming a nurturing mother is one reason why I’m keeping a close eye on my stress level and my outside commitments. It’s one of the reasons why I’m prioritizing time with God, exercise, and a healthy diet. It’s also one of the reasons why I read uplifting books and listen to encouraging podcasts about parenting. It’s also a big theme in my closest friendships.

These things strengthen me to be pleasant, present, and self-controlled. When my children reflect on their childhood, I want them to remember feeling loved.

“I Am the Gardener”

Sometimes my children’s neediness, whining, crying, sibling rivalry, clutter, and chaos feel like an onslaught. As I move from one child’s need to another—giving, accommodating, consoling, helping, and serving—I feel like a terrible version of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree. I feel more like the depleted tree. In fact, by the end of the day, I often feel like a mere stump of myself whose fruit, branches, trunk and all have been beaten out of me. Needless to say, this grim outlook has made me sulk once or twice. Until recently.

When I prayed about my burden, I realized that I am not "the depleted tree." I am not a victim of my children’s needs and demands.

Instead, I am the gardener; I am the one with agency, calling, vision, and responsibility. I am the one who is teaching, training, and nurturing my children so that when they demand something, I get to decide the best way to address their needs. When they cry, fight, or make messes, I get to consider the best direction for their lives and act accordingly. By reminding myself “I am the gardener” of my precious children’s souls, I move from feeling like a martyr to feeling like a maker. I move from resentment to rest. This shift in perspective is bringing forth fruit in my home.

Do you ever feel like "the depleted tree"? Try this shift in perspective! Today, remind yourself, “I am the gardener” and see if it helps you to take a proactive step in loving and serving your child with a cheerful heart.

“Serve the Lord with Gladness”

Vonette Bright worked alongside her husband, Bill Bright, as he began Campus Crusade for Christ (now called CRU on college campuses). When she was on her deathbed, she reflected on her life—one of joy and sorrow.

She had raised children, supported Bill in his ministry work, endured Bill’s death, and had suffered through her own sickness. At the end of her life, she was asked, “What’s life all about?” Without hesitation Vonette replied with a phrase from Psalm 100:2, “Serve the Lord with gladness.

Her response echoes in my mind as I work to love my husband, raise our children, build the Church, and reach out to our community. The encouragement to “serve the Lord with gladness” casts a beautiful light on all of my tasks—from the menial to the enjoyable. It makes my work meaningful, and it lifts my eyes to a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me.

What’s your life all about? What will all of your homeschooling moments amount to? Wouldn’t it be lovely, profoundly lovely, if your life—homeschool included—amounted to a happy gift unto the Lord?

I bless you today with this life-shaping one-liner: “Serve the Lord with gladness.” Add it to your daily self-talk. Preach it to yourself, sing it, pray it, whisper it. I am confident that living this one phrase will make all of the difference in the world.

Why are you homeschooling? Refuel your homeschool and keep your motivation at the forefront with our FREE guide.

Refuel Your Homeschool
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