If you are a new homeschool mom or are thinking of homeschooling but you struggle with fears, lean in close - I want you to hear this.
You can do this! You can homeschool.
Almost weekly, I have the same conversation with moms who tell me they are afraid to homeschool or could never homeschool because of one reason or another. Some of the reasons they share are:
Continue reading
Luke (5) wanted to make his own pond to watch tadpoles grow. He is pictured with his father, Brendon. —Y. family, Sonlighters in Oregon City, OR
What I lack in sensitivity, I make up in hubris. My children frequently have to put up with my bluster and emotional dullness. But here are a few difficult phrases that I and my fellow homeschool dads can keep in our back pockets to help us raise our arrows.
So often I say with my tone of voice what I am afraid to say with words. I scowl and jeer at a messy bathroom floor rather than addressing it directly.
The mess returns every evening until my scowls accumulate into an outrage. From the perspective of my children, they do something permissible, until one day, it’s suddenly both impermissible and, indeed, outrageous. What a confusing contradiction.
The result is they end up feeling they need to manage the emotions of their parent, rather than fulfill their responsibilities. The solution is to express my feelings as clearly as I can and arrive at a fair division of labor.
The problem is that there is a part of me that thinks my sheer existence as an authority figure and hard-worker should elicit the same diligence in those around me, even in young children, without so much as a mention of the task, let alone a thank you.
Saying "I need help" is difficult, but essential.
This is a scathing-hot iron to my ego. When I attempt the accents in earnest for their Read-Aloud, coming up to an exciting part of the story, and the crescendo is lost in a peal of laughter at unrelated silliness, I’m irritated, of course, at having to repeat that part of the story. But more than that, it makes me feel like they don’t care about my efforts, or even don’t like me.
That doesn’t make sense, so it’s embarrassing to acknowledge the feeling. I direct it as vague ire towards them, which they internalize as vague disapproval. This whole chain can be short-circuited if I look my emotions straight in the face and articulate them carefully.
It's hard to recognize that my children have hurt my feelings, but I need to face the experience.
My 4-year-old wanted to bring left-over pasta on our walk to the park. I didn’t want to bring a backpack, so we left without either. We ended up in a forest next to the park, playing pirates. It didn’t take long, however, for us to get irritable without a snack. Tears ensued, and the game was cut short.
Instead of apologizing for not bringing a snack, I snapped at them for having, of all things, a short fuse.
The really hard thing about I’m sorry for a daddy is that it means relinquishing a certain amount of moral control.
In order to lead, we have to be trusted to have the insight to make decisions that benefit the family. If that insight fails, daddy takes one of three paths.
Dads tend to be good at pushing into the unknown. We encourage risk-taking, experimentation, and hard-work. It’s usually mom who calls the kids home for supper — to rest and safety. That feeling of safety in your mother’s arms is not just nice, but neurologically crucial.
The balance, however, of safety and risk-taking needs to be re-calibrated when daddy is the one who’s at home full-time (as is my situation).
Sometimes a father's desire to see his children achieve must take a backseat. He must hug through his child’s tears without explaining why the tears are misguided. Children must know that whatever happens out there in the wild, Daddy is Daddy:
"I will always be daddy. You cannot earn that and you need not overcome anything to secure that. Run to me, and I will fight the monsters. Come home, and the kettle will be on. You are my beloved children."
These reserved messages allow daddy to protect himself against illusory rejection. But reaching out with unreserved affection is very self-revealing and leaves daddy vulnerable to his son or daughter.
But when a child sees a daddy, confident to face the possibility of rejection, it communicates that she must be worth an awful lot. Her beauty is so treasured that she is worth seeking and protecting for the simple joy of her presence. The Father would give Himself to be with her and know her, even if it means covering a multitude of sins.
Choose a curriculum the whole family can enjoy together!
"Already they are making connections when we add new stickers and they notice what else is already on the page!"
—Cynthia H. of Champaign, IL
"One of our favorite parts of Sonlight curriculum is using the maps. I am a missionary kid who grew up all over the world and was always fascinated by maps. The world is a big, beautiful place and I am determined to teach my children (who are being raised in America) the value of other peoples, cultures, and other ways of thinking. I am so thankful for a curriculum that helps me do this."
—Sarah R. of La Fayette, GA
Mentally, I am fully convinced of the value of timelines and mapping. But in practice? I often treat them as if they are simply too much to fit into our homeschool schedule. That is, I skip them.
Yes, I admit it. Because I don't prioritize them, these two elements of our Sonlight curriculum often get squeezed out of our school days. I’ve come to realize that I need to create a time and space for The Timeline Book and the Markable Map. Here are three parts of my resolution to do better about actually using both the timeline and maps—no more forgetting, no more skipping.
When our children love The Timeline Book and Markable Map, we will be more likely to incorporate them into our day. Here's a list of ideas to help our children fall in love with these two learning tools:
It may seem obvious, but I need to face the fact that updating The Timeline Book and doing the map work require a certain amount of time. If we want to work with consistency, we need to include them in our daily schedules.
I always schedule time for history, science, and reading aloud, but I do not schedule 10 extra minutes for the timeline or maps. I am going to incorporate these two elements in our schedule for next year, actually writing them down where necessary.
We pay attention to things that are in full view and tend to forget about the books and projects that are stuffed in the closet or crammed between books on a shelf. It's important to create a space where The Timeline Book and the maps are proudly on display. For example, I’ve moved a small end table to the kitchen in order to prop up The Timeline Book in a picture frame holder and hang the Markable Map next to the CD player that we use for our Bible Memory songs. Where could you display these important resources so that they are likely to get your attention in the midst of a busy homeschool day?
Veteran homeschool moms agree: we won’t regret investing time and energy into these important elements of Sonlight curriculum. This year, let’s take a step in that direction and actually use our Timeline Book and Markable Map!
Your Sonlight Instructor's Guides tell you exactly where to place your timeline figures and how to do the mapping activities. Learn more about Sonlight's guides here.
Homeschooling, and parenting in general, would be so much easier without resistance, rebellion, and whining. Wouldn’t it be awesome if our children did what we told them to do?
While we can’t eliminate all of the struggles-of-the-will in our homeschool, we can make choices that help our children be more content, reasonable, and obedient. Here are three principles that can help your child do what you say.
In many ways, our children are trusting us to tell the story of their lives. When we believe the best about them, they believe us and are more apt to do the right thing. Conversely, when we assume the worst about them, they believe us, and it affects their behavior negatively.
It all comes down to our attitude as their mother. When we ask God for the ability to live according to “love always hopes,” we influence our children in radical ways.
To get your wheels spinning about how your hopeful attitude could transform your home, here are examples of ways that this plays out in my home on a daily basis:
This is a tool that every parent can use from the early days of parenting through high school. When your child is about to enter new circumstances or when expectations have changed, prepare your child for the adjustment. Talk about things ahead of time or practice skills that your child may need to succeed. One of our most significant roles as parents is to prepare our children for life, including the things that happen on a daily basis.
Here are examples:
I regularly need to remind myself that homeschooling is not about checking boxes, completing textbooks, or impressing people. We homeschool so that we can disciple our children, guiding them step by step in God’s ways. By respecting the tendencies and trajectory of child development, we will treat frustration, resistance, and whininess as part of our call to nurture and disciple our children.
Although we aim to create peace, harmony, and faithfulness in our children, we also recognize that weaknesses will come up from time to time. God cares about the homeschooling mom who is raising a stubborn, resistant, or disobedient child. He will guide us each step of the way, even if the journey is long. We can pray continually for the atmosphere in our homes, asking the Holy Spirit to reverse the trend of darkness and to shine His life and light in us and our home.
Most children thrive with a structured homeschool day. Try Sonlight to see how it can provide a framework for your daily routines and make it easier for your children to obey.
These twelve books prove that you are never too old for a good picture book. Children, teens, and adults alike will savor both the lavish illustrations and delightful stories in this collection of non-fiction, biographies, and fiction.
Continue readingYears from now, what will our kids remember about their homeschool experience? Chances are that instead of remembering every book, fact, and project, our children will keenly remember how we made them feel during the homeschool day. They’ll remember the atmosphere that we created and the mood that we set. Our attitudes will impact them more deeply than our curriculum, organization, schedule, and portfolios.
Continue reading
Big Brother Caleb loves to read to his little sister Abi.
"My books are in bad shape because they are so well used, but my kids' minds couldn't be more stimulated, educated, and happy—reading another beloved Sonlight book! Thank you for playing a huge part in making my children LOVE TO LEARN ™ !"
Lynn K. of Tifton, GA
Maybe you've hit some bumps since your first day of school...
You're two months in. Maybe your son is throwing a fit, your daughter is crying over a math problem, the dishes are piling up, and you feel in over your head.
At times like this, you wonder: Did I make the right decision to homeschool?
As you second-guess yourself, do you sometimes feel like a homeschool failure?
Let me encourage you: I know you can do this.
I challenge you to think of yourself not as a failure, but as a learner. That's how you want your kids to think when they face a challenge, right? You don't expect them to get everything right the first time.
When things don't go well in your homeschool, it's not that you've failed. The struggles just give you and your children an opportunity to grow. You can step back and say, "Well that didn't go very well. What could we do differently in the future?"
If you have that conversation with yourself or the children ten times in one day, that's still not failure. That's modeling to them how to grow. It's modeling that we can evaluate what we're doing and figure out how to do it better.
I encourage you do drill down and identify what's making you feel like a failure and making you wonder if you made a mistake to homeschool at all.
Is it that you lose your temper with your children sometimes? I hear that from guilt-ridden moms often. So what can you do to move in the right direction in that regard?
Do you feel second-guess your choice to homeschool because your kids don't beg for school every day? Maybe you need to give them some grace, too. I've heard that kids new to homeschooling need at least one week of homeschooling for every year they were in regular school to adjust. It's a big change for you and them.
Not every day will be homeschool bliss. But if your kids are consistently struggling, perhaps they need more protein and less sugar for breakfast. Maybe they need more sleep. Maybe they need more time to play outside, or a short cuddle with you before school. Maybe you need to switch up your daily schedule. Maybe school will just be hard for them and they will develop perseverance as you kindly but firmly help them learn age-appropriate disciplines.
Whatever the issue that's causing you to second-guess your decision to homeschool, know that you have options. Don't give up! Instead, you could:
Homeschooling won't always be smooth sailing. But take those rough seas as learning opportunities. As Thomas Edison supposedly said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."Fortunately, you don't have to pioneer homeschooling the way Edison pioneered the light bulb. You have Instructor's Guides, a supportive community, Homeschool Advisors, and a complete curriculum to help you out.
With great rewards, come great sacrifice... and homeschooling is no different. Boy, some days are tough and make you second-guess your decision to homeschool. Download this free guide to help you remember WHY you chose to homeschool in the first place.
Homeschooling gives you the chance to learn from your mistakes every day. Think of how much you will have grown in patience, creativity and academic skills years from now if you stick with this amazing calling!
I've always said that anything worth doing will encounter resistance. And I believe homeschooling to be a high and worthy calling. Struggles probably don't mean that you're wrong to homeschool. They just come with the territory when you set out to do something great.
Please know that you are in my prayers. I count it an honor to pray daily for all Sonlight moms and dads who are working hard to do right by their families. We are in this together!
