"Dear Sarita, Why did you choose that book?"

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"Dear Sarita, Why did you choose that book?" controversial books in Sonlight

I've received a lot of feedback in 28 years. I treasure the stacks of letters from Sonlight parents who love the books I choose.

But occasionally, I get letters that criticize—or even express great disappointment—in the titles I so carefully include in Sonlight's programs. While I greatly prefer the over-the-top-positive letters (I am human, after all), I've come to appreciate the harder letters as well in which people question my inclusion of controversial books in Sonlight.

Discernment: You Choose What Your Children Read

I'm grateful for all moms who invest enough time in their children's education to be able to critically evaluate what their children are reading … even if they disagree with my selections in the end. Many parents who send their children off to be educated by someone else have little knowledge of what their children are learning. They trust the system has worked out all the kinks. They trust the school format provides all the oversight and covering their students need.

So, kudos to all moms who are involved enough with their children's education and training to be able to evaluate their curriculum. May you continue to critically evaluate, wisely critique, and demonstrate for your children a lifestyle that follows the example of the Bereans—who carefully studied the Scriptures to see if what Paul said was true (Acts 17:11).

Discussion: You Guide Your Children Through Difficult Content

Of course, I believe Sonlight provides a balanced, Christ-centered education. And thousands upon thousands of families worldwide agree. But I never want kids to just swallow someone else's view hook, line, and sinker. I want them to think critically and evaluate for themselves using Biblical principles. That is exactly what Sonlight's educational approach trains students to do.

So if you ever come across a book you disapprove of in our curriculum, consider it a chance to demonstrate discernment. I think most families choose to read such books with their children and discuss the sticky content. This practice leads to incredible conversations that help you shape your children's values. But you are certainly welcome to simply skip a controversial or troubling book as well.

If you do skip a book and let me know about your disappointment, I'll remind myself as I carefully review and digest what you share that I'm hearing from a parent who has modeled discernment for his or her children. And I'll be grateful for your involvement in their education—and mine!

Many blessings,
Sarita

P.S. If you're interested in how I choose books for Sonlight's programs, check out What it Takes for a Book to Become a Sonlight All-Star.

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7 Myths About Dyslexia Every Homeschool Mom Needs to Know

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7 Myths About Dyslexia Every Homeschool Mom Needs to Know

One question I am often asked is what to do with a child who struggles with spelling or writing or reading. Often, a parent will begin with a statement such as “my child can’t seem to memorize spelling words very well,” but after a few questions will state “but, they don’t have dyslexia.” Other times a parent will tell me, “My child acts almost like a child with dyslexia...but not quite.”

There are a lot of misconceptions about what dyslexia is and what it looks like.

I’ll use my own story as an example. I am a nurse with a background in education. My brother, sister, and mother all have dyslexia. I am familiar with the symptoms of struggling to read, being unable to spell well, and hating writing. So when my oldest taught herself to read at age 3, and was reading fairly well by 4, I gave a deep sigh of relief, and relaxed. No dyslexia there.

My Child Doesn't Have Dyslexia

But, by age 6, even though she could read at a high school level, she still made mistakes in reading. Often, she would read hard words with ease, but struggle on simple words. But, of course, I knew she couldn’t have dyslexia, so I brushed it off as simply a childhood quirk and she’d grow out of it in a few years.

By age 8, she could read almost anything I put in front of her. However, she still struggled from time to time with the simple words, and would often not recognize when she made simple mistakes in reading. Also, she couldn’t spell. For a child who could read so much, I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t spell. One word we worked on for months, was the word, “she.” It seemed she could always remember that she spelled it the wrong way, but she couldn’t seem to remember the correct way, she she kept coming up with more and more creative ways of spelling “she.”

  • Shee
  • Hse
  • Hsee
  • Chee
  • Shi
  • Shy
  • Chi
  • Chy

And so on.

Every day, she’d come up with a new way to spell it, but it rarely was the right way.

She also struggled with writing. She didn't seem to see the need at all for spelling, would randomly scatter capital letters everywhere except where they really ought to be, and completely ignore punctuation. Spacing between words and sentences seemed to be considered optional. We went over the rules many times, but nothing seemed to stick.

Another thing I noticed about her was that she could do math, but she couldn’t seem to memorize math facts. I tried everything with her. We tried the Flashmaster, multiplication songs, addition songs, Times Tales, drill worksheets, daily recitation, and more. Nothing worked for more than a few days at a time. This was the same child who easily memorized words to song after song, and could recite large portions of movies after watching them a couple times. I felt sure she was just playing around, and she really could memorize them, she just wasn’t trying hard enough.

Surprise! My Child Has Dyslexia

And, then one day, I happened to be on the Sonlight forums, and I was reading about another child who was just like mine. Could read amazingly well most of the time, but couldn’t spell, couldn’t write well.

And that’s the day that I, with all the knowledge I gained in college and in life, had no clue what dyslexia really was. It was nothing like I had thought it was.

To me, dyslexia was a reading disorder, very uncommon, and pretty easy to spot. I was wrong. Here are some common misconceptions about dyslexia.

Myth 1: Dyslexia is Rare

It’s estimated that 10-20% of people have dyslexia, so we can hardly call it rare. It’s also estimated that out of all the adults with dyslexia, 95% of them are not diagnosed. Often they were told they had troubles reading, writing, or spelling in childhood and they simply weren’t intelligent in those areas. Many were able to compensate well enough that it never became a huge issue. But, it is much more common than most people realize.

Myth 2: Dyslexia is a Sign of Low Intelligence

Because people with dyslexia often struggle to read and write as accurately and as quickly as those without, they often are left feeling inadequate about their intelligence. Often, they are placed in special education programs in school, with remedial programs that further influence their self-esteem by suggesting they are poor learners.

In fact, dyslexic people do well in the real world:

  • by simply minimizing the amount of reading they need to do daily
  • by choosing careers where they shine in other areas
  • by working harder to overcome the necessary reading requirements of their jobs

Dyslexia doesn’t affect intelligence at all, except in cases where a child with dyslexia might convince themselves they are less intelligent because of the struggles.

Myth 3: Dyslexia is a Reading Disorder

It’s not. Many people with dyslexia can read, and many can read well. You cannot tell whether or not a child has dyslexia by measuring how old they were when they started reading, or how well they can read at grade level. You can’t even measure it by how well they read above grade level. Yes, some children with dyslexia struggle with basic reading skills, but many others don’t.

Myth 4: Dyslexia is a Vision Disorder

Eye doctors test for vision issues. However, your child can have a clean bill of health from a reputable optician and still have dyslexia. This is because dyslexia isn’t a problem with a child’s vision. Most children with dyslexia can see things just fine. They have no problems seeing everything in front of them and may have 20/20 vision. Their eyes may work just fine.

Dyslexia is a visual processing disorder. This means that although the eyes have no problems seeing, the brain has a bit of trouble processing what it sees. So, a child might look at the word bird, and although they will clearly see each and every letter, the brain may mix thing around a bit. Their brain may send back the signal that they are seeing brid, drib, or even q7np.  A dyslexic child might be able to identify each and every letter correctly on its own, but when trying to read the word as a whole, he might still struggle to remember how to read, write, and spell a word that might look differently on each glance.

Myth 5: Difficulty Reading is the Only Sign of Dyslexia

Some common signs of dyslexia include, but are not limited to:

  • Difficulty reading
  • Struggles with vocabulary
  • Writing issues
  • Trouble with reading comprehension or standardized testing due to filling out the wrong circles, not reading small words that change the meaning of a sentence such as not, if, or, and, but, and others.
  • Struggles with expressing what they are thinking through writing
  • Difficulty remembering letter formation
  • Remembering the sequence of letters in a word or words in a sentence
  • Inability to recall correct spelling of words, despite studying the words
  • Large gaps between what they can read and what they can write
  • Frequently skipping words or substituting words for words that either look similar or have the same meaning
  • Struggles to remember math facts, or struggles with math in general
  • Difficulty telling left from right
  • Trouble with spatial recognition, cardinal directions, or sequencing
  • Poor focus and attention when reading and writing, often leading to small power struggles
  • Motor coordination struggles
  • Issues with depth perception
  • Trouble with time orientation

Myth 6: There is Only One Type of Dyslexia

This was perhaps the one area my university degree failed to teach. Not all dyslexics look the same because not all have the same degree or type of dyslexia.

Not only do some people have dyslexia, some may have other issues related to dyslexia without the actual dyslexia, like dysgraphia (struggles with writing) and dyscalculia (trouble with math, which is actually not considered an official form of dyslexia by some experts, but a different type of disorder).

But, apart from those related difficulties, there are different forms of dyslexia within dyslexia itself, and each looks a little differently from the rest. There are 4 widely accepted types of dyslexia, and they often overlap. One child may have 1 type, whereas another child may have 3 or 4 types.

  • Phonological Dyslexia This is what most people think of when they hear dyslexia. This type of dyslexic has difficulty breaking down individual sounds and turning them into letters or symbols. They also struggle with turning letters and symbols into words.
  • Surface Dyslexia These children might not struggle on words that can be sounded out, but struggle with words that don’t follow spelling rules. We often refer to these as sight words. Words like eighteen or conscience will be big struggles because they can’t decode them, and they can’t read them as a whole.
  • Rapid Naming Deficit These children can’t look at a letter and immediately tell you the name or sound of the letter. They can’t look at a word and tell you what the word is right away. The likely cause is a processing delay, so the child must stop and think about each letter and sound individually, greatly slowing down their reading speed.
  • Visual Dyslexia This overlaps quite a bit with type 1, but it also refers to those children who have tracking issues or trouble with eye coordination and seem to struggle with following the lines of sentences. You’ll see a child skip over words or skip entire lines while reading without noticing. This type is not always accepted as its own form, but there is rising evidence to support its validity.

Myth 7: Dyslexia is Always Noticeable

This was my biggest assumption with dyslexia. I figured that if anyone should be able to recognize dyslexia, it would be me, with my education and experience. However, some experts have identified a type of dyslexia that might be any combination of the above, but with one extra key distinction.

The type of dyslexia is called Stealth Dyslexia.

Usually, but not always, this type of dyslexia is common in children with IQs above average and in those who have learned coping techniques to hide the signs. They are often able to overcome issues without any help until they reach an area where they simply can’t.

These children are usually dismissed as having dyslexia at a young age because they often can read, spell, and write, but as time goes on, and reading and writing get harder and harder, they have more and more trouble coping. Somewhere between ages 8-12, they start to fall behind.

Because parents have seen their child doing just fine in lower grades, and teachers see the grades in the previous years were good, it’s very easy to assume the child isn’t trying hard enough or is playing games. Often, the child will become more and more resistant to doing work they had previously done with few complaints instead of sharing what their struggles are. This often leads to a downward cycle in which the parents and teachers try to motivate the child to previous standards of excellence, and the child fights more and more as they realize they are unable to keep up.

These are the children I often get asked about. The ones who “learned to read at age 5, but now at 10, refuse to write and their writing looks like a first grader did it.” Children who have “always been a bit behind in spelling, but it’s just getting worse.” Children who “went to the eye doctor, but they didn’t say anything about having dyslexia.”

The children who have this type of dyslexia are usually able to hide it very well, until they can’t. Usually, this hits about third grade or so, when workload increases faster than compensation abilities.

If your child happens to be one of those who seems to be right on the border, and are raising some red flags, it might be worth having them tested.  Your child's doctor (or a medical professional) can test and diagnose dyslexia.

If your child is struggling with learning, we are here to help.

Sonlight has homeschool consultants available to encourage and offer sound advice about how to use the curriculum. Click here to schedule an appointment.

(Please note: our advisors are not medical professionals. See your doctor for diagnosis.)

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How Homeschool Electives are a Blessing Not a Burden

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How Homeschool Electives are a Blessing Not a Burden

When it comes to offering your children electives, do you ever ask yourself:

Adding electives might seem like an added stressor to your already busy day. As moms, we sometimes feel spread too thin. Between our families and household tasks, it can be difficult to add extracurricular activities to our list. If your days are anything like mine were, you experience a few hours of schooling and then have to tackle household chores, leaving children a generous amount of time to create, play and explore. In my house, we all adored that part of the day. Over time, however, I found that guiding some of that time through electives had a positive impact on our day-to-day, and in the long run, on my children’s lives.

As parents, we want to send our children out into the world as well-rounded people, and a suitable elective just might provide the practical life skills your children need to understand the world and themselves.

All of my children took electives and flourished in their own way. I am still in awe of all of their God-given creative talents. I could tell you many stories I’ve collected over the years; however, here are just two examples that come to mind.

Artistic Electives

One of my daughters expressed an interest in art. As someone who can only draw stick figures, art wasn’t on my radar. But something inside me knew I needed to encourage her artistic expression. So I urged her to take an art class. When she came home all aglow with the experience, and when John and I saw how unbelievably creative she was, I encouraged her to take as many art classes as she could while she had the opportunity. Several months later, I had the opportunity to speak with one of her art teachers. The teacher said, “If I have a student with a lot of natural ability and another student who works hard, I always prefer the student who works hard. Your daughter has both.” She ended up in art school, pursuing one of the wide varieties of art majors available.

One of my sons begged for a hand-held video camera (before cell phones had cameras). We got him one so he could create movies. He went on to film school. Now, as an adult, he produces films for fun and profit. I’m so grateful I encouraged them to explore these life passions.

Fun, Practical, and Scientific Electives

We studied many additional electives through the years and found some ways to incorporate electives into non-school time. During the afternoons, my children would listen to classical music while building with LEGOs. These recordings gave the kids a welcomed introduction to music they wouldn’t otherwise hear. We always did puzzles together as a family. I liked to pick puzzles like The Global Puzzle because they helped the children learn geography in a painless way. We would discover where the countries in Africa, Asia, and Europe are, and use the time to talk and learn.

All my children took typing instruction, and this life skill has served them well. If I were teaching today, I would have all my children study computer programming—at least at a basic level—as I believe, like typing, it is a fundamental skill in today’s job market.

Even if you are not musical, artistic, or gifted in languages, you might have a child who is. You won't know until you give them a chance to explore these areas and see where they shine. If I’ve stimulated your imagination, please feel free to check out our carefully chosen electives.

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6 Time-Saving Tips to Streamline Your Homeschool Schedule

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Can I let you in on a little secret? Some of us don’t homeschool by the book (pun intended) every single day. There are many reasons I love my Sonlight Instructor’s Guide—such as the structured framework it offers, and the invitation to anchor our days with a Sonlight Morning Time—but sometimes, our homeschool doesn't look picture-perfect. In fact, we don’t even always flow through the Instructor's Guide in a linear way. (Depending on your personality, you either just gasped at the thought of a deconstructed Sonlight day, or you’re breathing a sigh of relief that you’re not the only one.) Here are my six time-saving tips for homeschool scheduling.

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Why Sending Your Child to Public School Won’t Solve Your Problems

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Why Sending Your Child to Public School Won’t Solve Your Problems

We’ve all been there: those days when you just aren’t sure you are doing enough. When you’re certain the school down the street will do a better job that you can. Times you are so frustrated you figure it just can’t hurt to try public school for one short semester.

Parenting is full of doubts. Homeschooling, even more so. However, when those doubts hit, anchor yourself in the truth that sending your kids to public school won't solve your problems. 

Students Outnumber Teachers

Yes, there are some great teachers in schools. However, your child will not be surrounded by great teachers. Instead they are surrounded by peers. Thus the majority of what they will learn will come from other students.

This would be fine if we could pick the students in the class and control their behaviors. But their classroom will have children whose parents’ have a mix of standards of proper behavior. Some will be similar to those your family has; others will have vastly different standards.

My oldest daughter has a cousin her age. They were born weeks apart and until age 4 played together beautifully. However, at age 4, her cousin started preschool, and she did not. Within weeks, I noticed a change in her cousin’s behavior. He started becoming more abusive, pushing and pulling and grabbing toys. He started swearing and using words his mother and I didn’t allow our children to use. Also he started lying to his mother and trying to hide things from her. When his mother asked why he was behaving such, he explained that was how the boys in his class acted.

Not every child will pick up negative behaviors from public school. But many will, especially those who are easily influenced by others.

You’ll Still Have Homework

Unfortunately, just because schools assume the bulk of the teaching doesn’t mean that they manage to get all the seat work done in the classroom. Even schools that state they don’t send homework home for students to complete, will often recommend extra work at home:

  • 20 minutes of reading aloud with a parent each evening
  • memorize spelling lists
  • finish worksheets still incomplete from class
  • work on big projects

In schools that do send home homework, even children as young as kindergarten might have up to an hour or more each evening. You may find that you are spending a greater percentage of the time with your children on schoolwork than when you homeschooled!

Only now, you’ll be less in control of what they are learning and how they are learning it.

School Discipline May Not Carry Over to the Home

Schools have a job to do, and that is to impart academic knowledge. If your child’s issues are behavioral in nature, school generally doesn’t fix those issues at all. It’s true teachers do expect respect and intervene when children misbehave. But self-control in the classroom doesn't always transfer over to home life.

Schools won’t make your child stop fighting you on every issue, or stop talking back to you, or make them obey the first time you say something. Schools won’t improve their attitude toward siblings.

In fact, schools may make all of these problems worse. Your child will be exposed to new ways to talk back, friends who delight in trying to outdo each other on the rebellion scale, and children who are willing to introduce your child to new temptations. Because you and your child will be spending less time together, and they will be spending less time with their siblings, you might find the distance between you growing.

It’s not uncommon for children to treat teachers with one set of attitudes, friends with another, and parents with yet another.

You Get the Leftovers

Once your child enrolls in school, the system gets the best parts of your child. The school gets them when they are fresh in the morning, 5 days a week.

You get what’s left over:

  • The early mornings when they don’t want to wake up.
  • The evenings when they are tired from eight hours of focused education and don’t want to do their homework.
  • The weekends when you try to cram in all the fun things you’d like to do.
  • The days off when everything is crowded because everyone else is off, too.
  • The attitude left over from trying to be good for so long in the day.
  • All the day’s frustrations when they have reached their boiling point.

Their brightest smiles will be shared with their friends, not their parents and siblings.

With homeschooling, you get it all—the good and the bad. When your kids attend public schools, the teachers and friends seem to get the bulk of the good while you’re left holding more and more of the bad.

This isn’t to say there aren’t positive things that can come from sending them to school, or that they’ll always be in a bad mood. That certainly isn’t the case with most children. But you will get less of the good.

Teachers Have Agendas, Too

Most teachers choose the education profession with the intention of building up students. They work tirelessly for little reward and even less thanks. They deal with all kinds of students and parents on a daily basis.

But, teachers are all different. They come from different families with different values and different ideas. So, you will, from time to time, run into a teacher whose values are very different from yours.

  • You might find your child has a teacher who likes bringing LGBTQ issues into the daily discussions, and you don’t agree with their viewpoints on the lifestyles.
  • You might find your teacher is an atheist, and your values are strictly Christian in nature.
  • Their teacher might belittle any notion of Creationism, when your family happens to be devout in believing the Earth is young.
  • Or, perhaps their teacher (or your school district) believes in teaching sexual education as young as first and second grade, while you aren’t comfortable with the amount of detail they provide.
  • Your school might pressure you to get your children vaccinated, when you feel vaccinations are not a good choice for your family.

The district itself often has agendas, too, and while you might find a teacher who isn’t in agreement with that agenda, they must teach certain things to remain in compliance and keep their teaching license. Often, districts promote test scores above all else as that is how the district itself is graded, and many are willing to make sacrifices in other areas to make sure that scores are the best they can be. Or a school board might have many members who hold to a certain set of beliefs, and advocate that these beliefs be brought into the classroom.

While many of these things are good to talk to children about, and the teachers usually intend no harm, it may be that you are blindsided by some of the issues your child learns at school and some of the values that are taught.

Schools Probably Have Lower Standards than You Do

Sending your kids to public school won't necessarily improve their academics. Schools do care about test scores and graduation rates because that’s how they are evaluated. But beyond that, schools don’t care a whole lot about each individual child's comprehension.

Schools are ready to accept that some children struggle in subjects more than others. A child can miss 40 of 100 problems wrong, and no one will be very concerned. After all, that's still passing.

While your child may receive good grades in school, the quality of their education may still be suffering, compared to what you are teaching at home.

Take a local tenth grade English class as an example. The teacher of this class told me what the class includes:

  1. students watch 7 movies, based on literary works such as Shakespeare, Our Town, and Pride and Prejudice
  2. students read 4 novels
  3. students compose 1-2 writing assignments on each movie or novel

This would not be enough for many homeschooling parents to feel comfortable counting this as a high school credit, yet a hundreds of students each year are getting their sophomore English credit with this course. Contrast those requirements with Sonlight's rigorous high school literature courses which require at least a dozen works of classic literature with assorted writing assignments and projects.

So, while you at home might be struggling to do extra assignments and getting perfect or almost perfect scores across the board, the public school in your area might be willing to let go of those high expectations and let work that you would consider sub-par slide through with good grades.

When you start to think that sending your kids to public school is the answer to your parenting or homeschooling woes, take a hard look at what schools in your area can offer. In many cases, public school won't solve your problems. Putting your kids in school may trade one set of difficulties for another, but it's rarely a fail-proof panacea for all that ails your child.

Request a Catalog

To find out more about Sonlight's unmatched Read-Alouds, and our complete book-based homeschool programs, order a complimentary copy of your catalog today.

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A Pick-me-up for the Discouraged Homeschool Mom

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A Pick-me-up for the Discouraged Homeschool Mom
  • Are you feeling frustrated and wonder if homeschool is really worth the sacrifice? You might question if homeschooling is still the right choice for your family.
  • Perhaps you know that homeschooling is what’s best for your children, but you wonder if it’s best for you.
  • Maybe you are certain that you want to continue homeschooling, but you are feeling defeated and blah.

I've faced all of these feelings! When I morph into the discouraged homeschool mom attitude,  I use a simple but effective exercise to make sure I'm on the right track. This pick-me-up can help you, too!

List All the Reasons You Chose to Homeschool

Sit down with a paper and pencil and jot down all the reasons that you initially began homeschooling.

  • Were you looking to provide your children with a better academic environment?
  • Were you kids ill-suited to sitting in a classroom?
  • Did you want more freedom (religious and otherwise) for yourself and your family?

The list doesn’t have to be in order of importance or categorized or even spelled correctly. Just get your thoughts on paper. If it helps here are a few of the reasons that quickly pop to mind when I think about why I originally chose to homeschool.

I have homeschooled my kids from the beginning and never put them into a school system. My husband and I chose to homeschool independently of the performance and reputation of our local school system. If you pulled your children from a local school, you likely have additional reasons to homeschool, reflecting your experience with traditional school.

  • Unique needs that weren't being met in the classroom
  • The classroom didn't provide enough challenge, especially for gifted children
  • Allergies
  • Bullying
  • The cost of private school

Challenges Arise, and Homeschooling Isn’t Always Perfect

Inevitably, once you’ve been homeschooling for a while, challenges will arise. Some you may have seen coming; others may be a complete surprise. Personally, I had no idea how draining it would be to be with all of my young children all day long. I also had a limited understanding of how strong-willed my children could be when faced with topics they didn’t want to learn. It’s been a learning experience for all of us.

At this point let me caution you. We are not creating a list of pros and cons.  We are actively looking for evidence that our initial decision to homeschool is a good one. Being discouraged or having a rough day doesn’t mean that the reasons you choose to homeschool are no longer valid. It does mean that it might be time to take a few moments to remember the reasons homeschooling is worth doing.

Are Your Original Reasons to Homeschool Still Valid?

Do your children still stand to benefit from learning at home? If the answer is yes, you still have a pretty strong argument for continuing to homeschool and hopefully a list to inspire you to continue.

If homeschooling hasn’t provided all the expected benefits, why not? Would placing the children in a school system resolve the issue(s)? If so, it may be time to research educational options in your area. If not, try to determine what changes could be made in your homeschool to put it more in line with your original goals. Get an outside perspective on your situation—Sonlight Advisors have counseled thousands of discouraged homeschool moms just like you. They can help.

List New Benefits

There are likely additional reasons for homeschooling that you may not have recognized when you first started. Even little reasons like not having to rush in the morning or having more flexibility with family vacation time are precious perks of homeschooling. More than one homeschooling family enjoys pajamas and hot chocolate during school time. Don’t overlook the little things that make homeschooling fun and beneficial for you and the kids!

On those days when you become a discouraged homeschool mom and are struggling to see all the expected benefits, pull out your list! Read it over and take some time to soak in the value you bring to your kids as a homeschool mom. Accept the encouragement that the list provides and move forward, knowing you're doing what’s best for you and your family.

If you are considering a new direction for your children’s education, and could use an empathetic ear, we have experienced homeschooling moms who would love to talk to you. Click here to schedule an appointment.

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4 Things to Drop From Your Homeschool When You’re Doing Too Much

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4 Things to Drop From Homeschool When You’re Doing Too Much

Most homeschooling parents are guilty of trying to do everything and then feeling like failures when we discover we can’t do it all. We want to

And while we can readily acknowledge that we are doing more than we need to, figuring out what to give up is hard. Here are four guidelines for choosing what to drop from your homeschool schedule.

1. Drop Anything Done for the Sole Purpose of Validating Outsiders

Perhaps a family member told you that a music lessons are essential to a well-rounded education, but your children aren’t really musical. Or, perhaps you are trying several sports at once so you can find out which sport they excel at because your family feels that a sports scholarship shows a well-rounded child. Perhaps your sister-in-law insists you must do math drills daily to make sure your children are well versed in the basics, but your children are getting no educational benefit from them.

Your child’s education shouldn’t be about proving to the world who you are. Instead, focus on who your child wants to be and what they are interested in learning, and choose activities that bring peace and joy to your household. When we spend time trying to earn validation from others, we run the risk of turning into who they want us to be, not who we are. So, instead, do what makes your household happy.

2. Drop Anything Done Out of Guilt

If you are doing an activity solely because you are afraid your child is missing out on an experience, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Instead of looking for what your child might be missing and trying to fill those gaps, instead focus on the opportunities you are creating for your child. If you’re struggling through a book simply because you should read it, or because it’s on a list you must complete, then you are missing out on an opportunity to fill that time with a good book you might both enjoy and still learn a lot from.

Many times, we feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing. But if what everyone else is doing isn’t making us happy, then we need to instead focus on what would make our lives more enjoyable or bring more peace to our homes. I don’t homeschool my children so they can blend into the world, but so that they can stand out in it.

3. Drop Anything Causing Excessive Tension

How many times have your fought with a child over completing a math page, a handwriting page, or a reading assignment? Those battles are sometimes necessary, but just as often, they aren’t worth the argument.

Doing every page in a math book might build character, but no hard-working adult ever looks back and says, “Well, if they had let me skip that one page in my math book, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

Look for compromises:

  • put the assignment away and find another way to teach it—maybe a game
  • cross off half the problems
  • choose a different curriculum with a fresh approach
  • switch to a different unit and revisit this one in later months
  • skip a book here or there

Here are details on two of my favorite compromise techniques.

Handwriting Hack: Highlighter Tracing

Have a child who just doesn’t want to do handwriting because it’s too hard? Try using a yellow highlighter to write out the words for them. Then have them trace.

Handwriting is largely a motor memory skill, so as long as they are practicing writing the letters and words correctly, it will work just as well to trace as to write them independently each time. Once the motor memory has memorized the skill to the point where the child can write without thinking about writing, then handwriting is complete.

Reader Hack: The 2 Skips Rule

Have a child who doesn’t want to read a certain book? If you’re using a literature-rich program such as Sonlight, your child will miss out on very little by skipping a book or two along the way. My children are allowed two skips per History / Bible / Literature (HBL). Here are the rules:

  1. Skip books must be approved by mom. She retains the right to refuse a skip if the book is integral to the HBL program.
  2. Skips can be claimed only after the child has read about 10% of the book.
  3. Only two books can be skipped. So if they desire to skip a third book, then they must go back and read one of the two books they skipped.

4. Reschedule Things that Don’t Need to Be Done Daily (Or Even Yearly)

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of covering every subject every day of every homeschool year. But you don't have to do it this way!

If you feel bogged down trying to fit in Bible, language arts, reading, phonics, handwriting, spelling, science, math, state history, world history, American history (or history of another country), foreign language, Latin, Greek, art, art appreciation, music, music appreciation, typing, .... consider a different approach. Although all these subjects are required, they aren’t all required every year nor all at once. When trying to fit in every subject, remember there are options besides every day Monday through Friday:

  • unit study that spans multiple weeks
  • semesters
  • weekend intensives
  • weekly co-op classes
  • summer camps

Don’t do more than is required if you aren't enjoying it. If you happen to love science and can’t get enough, five or more hours may suit your family, but if all your children really want is to do some experiments every few weekends, that may be enough.

So often, we get so focused on what we are missing or not getting done that we forget to look at the big picture. If a child is learning math, does it matter if they do every problem on a page, or can they be allowed to only do the odds or evens? (The answer is yes!)

No college will care if they learn to read from a book or from a game. By making a few changes and letting go of unreasonably high expectations, a more balanced and relaxed homeschool life will blossom. When that happens, and children have time to explore and have fun, you’ll find they learn even more on their own.

Simplify your homeschool and reduce the burden of daily decision making. Try three weeks of any Sonlight Instructor's Guide for free. Click here to get one for any level, preschool through twelfth grade.

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