You’ve probably heard rumblings about homeschooling for a while. Your best friend’s sister homeschools her children; your husband’s work colleague homeschools his children. The idea sounds intriguing but you are asking yourself...How does homeschooling work?
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Having a daily quiet time has become an essential part of our busy homeschool day. I love being with my kids, which is one of the reasons we started homeschooling, but we have all benefited from a daily quiet time in our house.
We first started a daily quiet time years ago when my oldest transitioned out of naps. Even though he didn’t need a nap, I found that he still needed to rest in order to make it happily to the end of our day. I found that I needed some peace and quiet in my day, too. So when his younger brother went down for a nap, I would start quiet time with my oldest by reading a few stories and then allowing him to play by himself while I recharged.
Quiet time is a daily scheduled length of time where everybody in the house takes a break and does their own thing quietly.
This pause in the day is a chance to hit the refresh button.
Whether you have young children or high schoolers, it is the perfect time of day for everyone in the house to take a break from stimuli and rest.
If you’ve never had quiet time in your house, you may wonder how to get started. Here are a few things to consider when adding quiet time to your daily homeschool routine.
Quiet time is important for everyone. For parents, it is a time for slowing down and quieting your mind. It creates a space for nurturing your soul.
Your presence is a source of stability for your children, and your heart and open arms are their haven, so take the time to pause in your day to nourish and rejuvenate yourself.
When you take the time to rest, you will be recharged and ready to pour into your children again.
For children, creating time for quietness gives them a mental break from their schoolwork, and helps establish a habit of rest and creativity. It gives them space and time to explore and discover their own passions and interests.
Margaret Wise Brown of Goodnight Moon said it well,
“In this modern world where activity is stressed almost to the point of mania, quietness as a childhood need is too often overlooked. Yet a child’s need for quietness is the same today as it has always been—it may even be greater—for quietness is an essential part of all awareness. In quiet times and sleepy times a child can dwell in thoughts of his own, and in songs and stories of his own.”
If you need time to rest, create space in your schedule for it. Quiet time is not misspent time. The magic of homeschooling does not lie in the hustle and bustle of constant activity, but in our intentional decisions made throughout the day.
One of the beautiful aspects of homeschooling is how you can tailor the education to your child’s needs (and yours as the teacher). If a child struggles with reading, you can do more read-alouds. If a child hates math, you can find math games to play! Likewise, if you the teacher don’t excel at history, math, or grammar, just find the right curriculum that lays it all out for you so you don’t have to wonder if you are covering everything.
But what happens when you’ve done all the research and found what should be the exact right fit for you and your child … and it just isn’t clicking?
Though my own kids are still in early elementary, I’ve been immersed in the homeschool world my whole life. I thought I knew what curricula I liked and didn’t. My husband was also homeschooled, so we joke that we wouldn’t have known how to send our kids to school. Between the two of us, our curriculum choices were laid out before our oldest turned five.
And then our oldest decided to have opinions of his own. Of course he has no idea the wealth of curriculum options that exist, but he absolutely knew what he didn’t like. The baffling part was that the curriculum he disliked were for areas he excelled in: language arts and math.
I’ve spent two years now on this question:
How do I know if this aversion to particular subjects is just a defiance issue (totally possible with my kids), or an indication that we have it wrong in our much-loved curriculum choice?
Obviously, this is a personal decision; you know your child best. But here are some things that I looked for that helped me say goodbye to my original homeschool curriculum choice and begin researching a better fit for my kids:
Is it an issue of learning style, presentation, expectations, or concepts? We were able to narrow down the real issue to the worksheets. He hates worksheets. This revelation fit perfectly with what we already knew about his learning style, learning struggles, and personality.
Can you modify the curriculum rather than go for a whole overhaul? When it came to our math curriculum, I thought yes. My child would answer orally and I’d mark the sheet. We’d play more math games, do more hands-on activities, etc. But at a certain point, I realized I was doing too much extra planning to call this curriculum a good fit.
Not all children learn alike or have the same struggles. My second-born loves worksheets! He’s flown through more workbooks before kindergarten than my oldest has yet to finish. He also has an aptitude for math and language arts, like his brother. When he started showing an aversion to the curriculum in question (independent from his brother), I realized this wasn’t only a personality or learning preference issue, and a switch might be in everyone’s best interest.
This point, of course, is what it all comes down to. Near the end of the year I realized that, despite all my compensations and his natural aptitude for the material, my child was making up tricks to remember his subtraction facts. He would mix up when to add and which numbers to subtract and had no idea why he was wrong. I saw that he wasn’t fundamentally understanding the material, which meant something needed to change.
When it came to the language arts curriculum, I realized the real problem was it didn’t click with me. Not that I couldn’t understand the concepts (this was first grade), but the teaching style was just not me. On the face of it, it seemed a good fit, but I had started to dread picking up the teacher’s manual. I was finding excuses to skip it or abbreviate it. So when my children would groan and bury their heads in the sofa when the book came out, the motivation to continue was dim.
For a little while, I pushed this subject onto my husband to cover during his lunch breaks since he was working from home. This had been one of his curriculum favorites, after all. But that only heightened the kids’ resentment of the subject as it replaced wrestling and read-alouds with phonic rules.
Finally I gave myself permission to research a better curriculum fit for all of us. It helped that I saw a friend rave about her language arts curriculum choice on social media, so I had a ready option to investigate. We switched half-way through the year, and the difference has been amazing. No more groans, eye-rolls, or attempts to distract from the material… and the kids’ phonetic awareness has taken off too!
It can be discouraging to invest time, money, and effort into a curriculum only to have it fall flat. Sometimes pushing through a rough patch can yield great results. But sometimes it’s okay to let go of your curriculum choice and find the right fit for both you and your learner. When you see your child grow to love a subject he previously didn’t, or see his natural abilities be supported and take off, the investment seems small in comparison.
Potlucks at my church are a big deal. We all get together to eat and talk. I like to mix and mingle while others are getting their meal, since the line is always too long anyway. I usually meet three or four new people that I haven’t been able to talk to yet. I try to get around to talk to the oldest couple in the church, because how often do you get to talk to someone who is 100 years old and still getting around like a young whippersnapper? Then, I make my way over to the kids’ table and ask them how things are going. We chat for a few minutes, and I head to another table, and so on.
You probably know how these functions go. From my description, you’d probably think I’m a social butterfly, but you’d be wrong. I’m actually quite an introvert, but I do enjoy small doses of people, especially my church family, so it’s important to me that I make the rounds every chance I get.
No one asks me where I learned how to chat with so many people. I doubt that anyone really cares, to be quite honest. That’s why it’s so interesting that nowadays, some people are rather opinionated about socialization. It’s defined as “the activity of mixing socially with others, and the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.” Unfortunately, socialization has a reputation of being attainable only in a public school setting.
You know what I mean...surely you’ve heard the comments and questions from well-meaning acquaintances and even a few strangers….
Socialization is one of the leading concerns about homeschooling. Instead of support and encouragement, many families who choose to homeschool are bombarded with an interrogation of sorts.
I still remember the summer when we first decided to homeschool our children. It was already a tough decision to make, and on top of that, a handful of our fellow church members at the time felt compelled to tell us about “all the socialization issues that homeschoolers had.” It was always a story about a cousin’s best friend’s daughter’s neighbor who was homeschooled and grew up to be socially awkward.
I remember feeling so defeated before we had even started our first lessons! Thankfully, I quickly realized that most of these stories were pretty outlandish and probably weren’t actually accurate. I also realized that I probably should avoid conversations with total strangers about my children’s education. Lesson learned!
Ten years after those early conversations, I’ve found myself to be much more resilient and gracious with these curious outsiders. Nowadays, I am more prone to patiently answer genuine questions and do my part to dispel rumors about homeschooling. I’m also grateful that I now have four well-adjusted, delightful children who are products of homeschooling and who can give an excellent representation of the benefits of homeschooling.
Today, I want to put your mind at ease and give you the encouragement that you might just need. In this post, I’ll break down all the common misconceptions about homeschooling socialization.
Quite well, actually.
I think it’s interesting to explore the expectation of socialization first. When those well-meaning friends put in their two cents, what they are really drawing from is a common misconception that socialization only happens in public school. They are misled to believe that it can’t happen anywhere else.
So let’s look at the common expectation of public school socializing. In a typical setting, children are expected to socialize with peers either their exact age or very close to their exact age. There is very minimal interaction with younger or older children. While public schoolers are around some adults every day, there is very little opportunity to truly socialize because all of their adult relationships are authoritarian in position.
Time is also a limiting factor on how public schoolers socialize. Their socialization is scheduled into the day and tends to end very abruptly instead of naturally. Finally, many of these social situations involve a great number of students. Therefore, if a child has a problem with another child, they may simply find someone else to play with instead of having to work out the disagreement.
To be clear, I’m not against public schools, but I would say that socialization in public school is anything but intentional, and I have to ask, is it really the model we want to hold up as the gold standard?
On the other hand, homeschool socialization is very intentional. It simply must be. As homeschoolers, we do need to consider ways to connect our children to their communities. However, the answer to how we do that is really quite simple: Go through life as usual and let your children come along. That's how homeschooling works best!
Homeschoolers have the great benefit of having a front-row seat to adult life. Every homeschooled child I know spends a large amount of time with their parents. What better way to learn how to socialize than watching Mom and Dad go about their everyday life?
Of course, moms and dads certainly need to be mindful of their little shadows, always taking opportunities to introduce them to people and helping them to find their voice in daily conversation.
However, so much of socialization happens naturally.
These are all parts of socialization which many people don’t consider.
Of course, all children need socialization with peers as well, but there are so many opportunities for this.
Of course, you should know that you don’t have to do all these things! Pick one when they are young, and as they get older, you can always add or take away activities. There is no one right formula. Every child is different. However, as you can see, socialization in homeschools is not that difficult after all.
Of course homeschooling affects socialization. Homeschooling is a lifestyle. Therefore, it affects every facet of one’s life. However, we should ask if homeschooling negatively affects socialization? No, not in itself.
Attentive parents can easily make sure that children have ample opportunities to socialize among both their peer groups and with adults or younger children. Intentional parents will actively look for ways to get their child plugged into their community. Simply be intentional about bringing in those opportunities for your child to explore social situations and engage with others outside the home.
No, homeschoolers are not socially awkward. I can say that with confidence because this question speaks in generalizations. Homeschooling does not automatically produce socially awkward graduates. We must remember that our educational choices do not make a child socially competent or socially awkward. Rather, it is the culmination of life experiences that teach them how to handle themselves in social situations. Make sure that your child has the experiences he or she needs to feel confident in society.
I am always amazed when I visit various fast food restaurants around town. They are all so different, even though they basically provide the same service: fast food. One of the fast-food restaurants in my area is a train wreck. They are incredibly slow, rude, they are inconsiderate of the customer’s time, they rarely get your order right, and it’s usually the customer’s fault.
However, another fast food restaurant in our area is a breath of fresh air. They are perfectly pleasant, almost always getting your order perfect, and always fast no matter how many people they are serving. So, what’s the difference between the two restaurants?
Training.
One little word makes all the difference between the two food establishments. One manager clearly trains his or her workers well and it shows. The other is obviously mismanaged. Good restaurants go through scenarios that look something like this: If x happens, then do y.
All children, not just homeschoolers, need training as well. Most of us are not born knowing exactly what to do in every situation that arises. We either learn as we go, or we are blessed to have someone who cares enough to prepare us for those situations early. Every child needs socialization training and opportunities to practice it. It is not just a “homeschool thing.”
There are plenty of studies on homeschooling and socialization to be found and dissected. However, in terms of socialization, I found this study by Richard G. Medlin to be quite fascinating. Medlin concludes that most studies find no negative psychological effects when comparing homeschooled children and public schooled children on the topic of socialization. In fact, in one study conducted in 1998 by R.S. Galloway which followed a group of homeschooled students and a group of public schooled students into college, Galloway concluded that homeschool students were “the leaders on campus” after finding evidence that these homeschooled students not only did well with socialization in general, but also took on much of the school’s student body leadership opportunities and responsibilities.
There are several pieces of homeschool socialization research to explore. In study after study, homeschoolers are found to be socially skilled and a benefit to society, using their out-of-the-box thinking skills and knowledge for the betterment of their community.
When I was growing up, I lived on the top of a mountain where my dad worked, and it was a half-hour away from town. The only children who ever came around were my neighbors’ grandchildren who we occasionally played with. Otherwise, we were basically alone on top of Petit Jean Mountain. There were definitely times that I was lonely, but now, as an adult, I can see how those lonely days were a tremendous blessing.
We tend to think of loneliness as negative, when actually a lot of great qualities can be born from occasional lonely days. For example, I am a deep thinker. I am incredibly creative. I think outside the box. I don’t mind being alone. I can occupy myself; I am never bored. I am very empathetic toward others.
At times, homeschooling can be lonely, especially if you live in a rural area. There is a little tinge of sadness when the members of a community gather together to celebrate a football game, a graduation, or an awards assembly, and you weren’t invited.
Knowing that homeschooling can make you feel like the odd duck is why so many homeschoolers make a concerted effort to get out and make connections in their community.
While we’re considering loneliness, let’s be sure to reject the idea that public school isn’t lonely.
I’ve known plenty of children who have shared how lonely they feel at school. Loneliness is not a homeschool problem. It is a societal problem that spans all ages and all educational paths. We need to be proactive with our children, and make sure to connect them to meaningful relationships no matter their educational experience.
Remember that there are plenty of ways to get connected in your community outside of the public school system. Talk with your child about his or her interests and pursue them. Let them play athletics or attend summer camps. Encourage them to get involved in 4-H or art classes. Get plugged into your local co-op.
There are plenty of ways to make homeschooling less lonely. But remember that a few lonely days are not traumatic events for children. Instead, they can be the catalyst for positive character traits, resourcefulness, and creativity.
As a homeschool parent, you may be tempted to fill your days to the brim with socializing activities and events as an overreaction to the socialization question. But don’t be afraid to allow lonely space each week. It will encourage your children to be creative and to think for themselves. These are great qualities that should be cultivated, not feared.
I would actually argue that homeschooled students have a social advantage. The vast majority of children don’t have multi-generational opportunities for socializing as homeschooled children do. I believe that exposure to a wide variety of ages and people of various backgrounds makes for a wonderfully diverse social experience, and I believe that is the experience that many homeschoolers receive every day.
I think it’s much harder for students who are mostly around their own peer group to learn to socialize well outside of that peer group. Interestingly enough, when a child grows out of their student career, they will need the social skill set which allows them to socialize outside of their age group more than the skill set that allows them to socialize within their age group. Therefore, doesn’t it make sense to think of a complete socialization experience in terms of its depth rather than its width?
Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to immerse our children in an environment that’s rich with experiences across age groups and interests? Homeschooled students are able to do things (even on weekdays!) like
All of these events together make a lovely social experience. Disadvantage? Absolutely not.
Tune in for a research-based presentation about the effects of homeschooling on socialization with panelists Daniel Hamlin, Professor at University of Oklahoma and David Sikkink, Professor at University of Notre Dame, along with commentator Michael McShane, Director of National Research at EdChoice.
Homeschooling, in and of itself, will not hurt your child; however, homeschooling does place the education, as well as the socialization, of your child in your hands. This is a beautiful, God-given privilege and responsibility.
If our purpose to homeschool is to completely shut out the world and protect our child from ever getting hurt, then yes, homeschooling could hurt your child in the future. However, if your purpose is to give your child a vibrant educational and social experience, then I can tell you that homeschooling will absolutely not hurt your child.
Because we homeschool does not mean that we shelter our child from the world. It doesn’t mean that we orchestrate all their social engagements. It means that our children do life with us, and we make a conscious effort to instruct them in life on a daily basis. If the parent does this, a child will certainly not find themselves unprepared for society in the future. Your homeschooled child, on the contrary, will be an asset to businesses and will be leaders in their churches and communities.
All parents, not just homeschoolers, should be intentional about preparing their children for social situations that will arise. For example, you are attending a recital. You arrive and a few minutes into the first song, your child begins to misbehave terribly. Is this a result of educational choices that the parents have made? Of course not! This is simply due to the fact that the child doesn’t know what to do in that particular situation.
That’s why my husband and I always recommend role-play. If you know that a recital is coming up, you know that you will need to do some prep work. Begin by explaining where you are going and what you will do. Tell your child that you will be hearing lovely music and let them know to watch carefully because when the musician is finished, everyone claps. Then, act it out. Practice. Your child will feel confident during the recital and will be less likely to misbehave because he or she knows what’s coming next and they know what is expected of them.
Much like attending a recital, socialization is the same. Children must be taught and prepared for these situations. From the time our children were very young, we role-played all kinds of scenarios: how to act during a church service or recital, how to meet people, how to have small talk, how to use manners….the list goes on and on.
These role-play scenarios can be very simple and take little to no prep time. Decide on a social skill that you want to work on with your child. For example, you might choose introductions. Sit down and explain what to do and model it yourself. Then, have each child try it out as well. Give praise and tips where needed, always in an encouraging, lighthearted manner.
If you really want to make memorable teaching moments, find a feather boa and a fabulous hat at the dollar store, and introduce yourself as Mrs. Persephone Berryworth. Be sure to speak with your funniest accent. It’s excellent practice and it’s super fun too! Your kids will always remember their role-play sessions with you!
Of course, acting out scenarios is not only for young children. Teens can practice their driving test or college interviews through role-playing too. All children need this type of social training, and it is time well spent to practice before these situations arise.
There is no substantial evidence that homeschooling hurts children socially. Raising a well-rounded child is so much more involved than simply choosing an educational path for your child. Socialization was always intended to be a family responsibility.
We must be careful not to hand over that responsibility to someone else. Even a public school family should be intentionally socializing their children, making sure that they have plenty of opportunities to meet a wide variety of interesting people.
Ultimately, socialization is not a question of what schooling method you chose. It is a question of how your child will relate and impact the world in the future. All parents must be intentional about this important area of child development.
Rest assured, though, homeschooling is a fantastic way to socialize your child. While homeschooling doesn’t guarantee to produce a social butterfly, neither does public school. It is ultimately a culmination of a child’s experiences and values that makes them who they are.
Don’t allow the socialization issue to hold you back from home education. Don’t buy into the homeschooling socialization myth. A wonderful world of socializing awaits! Go for it!
Join the Sonlight Connections Facebook group and download the Sonlight app to stay connected with other homeschoolers.
One of the fantastic benefits of homeschooling with Sonlight is having year-long access to a team of Sonlight Advisors. These experienced homeschool moms have walked the road before you and can offer support, encouragement, and wisdom.
If you’re new to Sonlight, the Advisors can help with:
When I decided to homeschool a few years ago, I really struggled to wrap my mind around how to teach my third and fifth grader together. In my mind they needed completely separate curriculums just like their private school experience for the past few years. I called a Sonlight Advisor, and she explained in detail how exactly I could combine both girls in one HBL. She was patient, thorough, and understanding, and I gained so much more confidence after our conversation.
Maybe you’re in the middle of your school year, and a homeschooling question comes up. Sonlight Advisors can also offer advice on:
Whether you want to walk through your child’s long-term educational goals or just need a like-minded friend to pray with, the Sonlight Advisors are an invaluable resource.
There are several Facebook groups geared directly toward moms homeschooling with Sonlight that can be great for general discussion and fellowship. However, when it comes to choosing curriculum or other specific Sonlight-related questions, these Facebook groups aren’t the best place to find answers.
For example, maybe instead of asking a Sonlight Advisor, I asked a Sonlight Facebook group which HBL I should choose when I decided to homeschool my third and fifth grader. Chances are that I would have received lots of different responses that may have confused me even more! While it can be helpful to hear what others are doing, their suggestions won’t always translate well to your own context.
However, when you talk with a Sonlight Advisor, she can help you narrow your options based on your own family, the learning styles of your kids, and your overall lifestyle. She will take the time to get to know you, and that will make all the difference in choosing the right curriculum for your family.
The reality is that strangers in Facebook groups may enjoy having a platform to share their own experiences more than really having the answers you’re looking for. They also aren’t always up to date on all of the latest changes at Sonlight, and most are still learning themselves since they’re in the middle of their homeschool journeys.
On the other hand, Sonlight Advisors have the advantage of being veteran homeschool moms who are trained to be thoroughly versed in the ever-evolving curriculum. They are also unbiased, and their primary goal is to simply help you come to a resolution.
Homeschooling can be lonely at times, and it’s easy to stress over curriculum choices. I have personally spent way too much time reading message boards and social media posts trying to find answers to my questions. This is the exact reason that the Sonlight Advisors exist. In just minutes, they will answer your questions, help you feel connected with a larger Sonlight community, and encourage you as you forge ahead.
Best of all, it’s easy and convenient to get in touch with the Sonlight Advisors. You can choose your preferred avenue:
Don’t homeschool alone. Contact the Advisors today, and let them cheer you on as you forge ahead on your homeschool journey.
One of the things that we love about our catalog is that we get to feature real photos—and stories—of our customers. Thank you to all of the families who shared #sonlightstories for the 2021 photo contest! And congratulations to the three winners featured below!
This is our first year of homeschooling and my children have really fallen in love with reading because of the wonderful literature we have received through Sonlight. When the weather is nice, we tie our hammocks to the trees in our backyard and do our reading time outside. We all love it!
We have grown so much as a family through our time in God's word using Sonlight and all of the amazing literature we have been exposed to. Our favorite time of the day is when we all sit together for History / Bible / Literature and learn about the past together through a Christian worldview. My boys have been inspired by the stories of the missionaries we have read about and we have prayed daily for countries we learned about in Window on the World. My boys have also devoured all of the great Readers this year and asked for more. They have truly developed a love of reading on their own that they did not have before homeschooling with Sonlight. We are so lucky to have picked this homeschool curriculum!
The C Family, Sonlighters from Orland Park, IL
Zeke is the fourth, and last, of my kids to be homeschooled so it's nice he can go and work quietly on something while I'm helping one of his siblings! I actually did a mix of History / Bible / Literature A and History / Bible / Literature B with him this year because he's really excelled at reading! I love that about homeschooling... that I can have the freedom and capability to school my kids at their individual level!
The H Family, Sonlighters from Las Vegas, NV
With all the COVID-19 restrictions, we decided to homeschool for the first time this year. Many homeschooling friends strongly recommended Sonlight and they were so right!
There are many things to love about this homeschool curriculum. First and foremost, Sonlight centers on the Bible as the source of all truth and approaches teaching with this worldview.
The detailed organization of weekly lesson plans and notes for each book in the Instructor's Guide was so helpful and a time saver. The quality and content of the books are phenomenal! We loved the Read-Alouds as much as our children did. Lastly, the ability to incorporate many age levels into the same subject matter made it a perfect choice for our family.
We were apprehensive starting out this year, having never homeschooled before, but Sonlight curriculum was a fantastic choice and we give it five out of five stars!
The D Family, Sonlighters from Roseau, MN
Thanks again for making this year's photo contest a success. Keep sharing your #sonlightstories year-round! We love your Box Day photos, your day-to-day experiences, and the end-of-the-year #sonlightstack shots of all you've accomplished.
Use the #sonlightstories hashtag when you share on social media.
You can also log into your account on sonlight.com anytime to upload both images and testimonials. You never know when something you submitted may appear in a catalog, on our homepage, or on the Sonlight blog
When this family started homeschooling overseas, they never imagined how switching to a literature-based curriculum would not only solve their worksheet burnout but also build a portable library, strengthen family bonds, and help their Third Culture Kids develop a biblical worldview and heart for the world.
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