The Shock That We're Normal

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A mom, years after starting homeschooling, was asked by her mother, "But ... what about socialization?"

This veteran homeschooler looked at her mom in disbelief. Then, exasperated, she asked, "Have you met your grandchildren?"

<smile> I love that.

Too often, the socialization question seems a reflex. It's as if the person asking is quoting from a script they memorized but never bothered to understand. I've encountered this myself heading to the airport and at the local pool. The socialization issue is something people say; I don't think many of them mean it -- if only they took a moment to consider.

Surprise
Surprise

So when the socialization question showed up to a group of homeschoolers on Facebook, I smiled at the responses:

  • My personality is antisocial, but homeschooling helped me work through it.
  • People are always shocked when they hear I homeschooled. "But you're so normal!" lol
  • No one would ever guess I was homeschooled.
  • I'm so well socialized, normal people can't handle me!
  • Get-away-from-me-all-you-people-while-I-crawl-back-under-my-rock! jk
  • I've never understood the antisocial and sheltered stereotype.

I don't get the stereotypes, either. I mean, I do ... because this makes sense to someone who doesn't actually know many homeschoolers. But I don't because I've learned a bit more about what makes someone socially awkward in a school. And while I was sheltered, it was more like a day at the beach than a decade in a bunker.

We homeschoolers are normal. That means we display the regular range of idiosyncrasies. Some of us are loud, obnoxious, and a tad endearing in our bravado (me); others of us shy away from the spotlight, are careful with our words, and gain friends through our loving demeanor (my wife). But it wasn't homeschooling that did this to us. We were both homeschooled. As humans, we represent the spectrum of experience. Homeschoolers come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us struggle to read for years (me); others of us become phobic of math (my wife). And then there are those few out there who simply excel at everything (your children).

There is no determinism here directed by the magic that is homeschooling. We aren't able to dictate outcomes by our curriculum choices. What magic there is, and magic in spades, is the opportunity to connect with our children, to learn how to help them learn, and to show them a world into which they fit as only they can so that they are inspired to follow wherever the Lord leads. Homeschooling is a great option. But it is one of many.

The important question that we should all ask ourselves is "why?" Why did we choose the path that we did for this child? Because homeschooling, and homeschooling with Sonlight, offers a certain set of amazing benefits. And it's the pull of homeschooling that draws us back, year after year.

People are frequently shocked to find out just "normal" we are.

I am frequently amazed at just how good this homeschooling gig is. And when people get over the shock that I was homeschooled, I like to share with them these benefits.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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Join us for a Blog Party!

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JanuaryPrizePkg

Sonlight is celebrating 25 years this year and we will be partying all year long! As part of the celebration, we'll be hosting a Blog Party on the 25th of each month, and we would love to have you join in the fun!

On January 25th we want to meet your family! In your blog post that day, introduce us to your family. Are you just getting started homeschooling? Or do you have graduates? Or somewhere in between? (Even if you don't use Sonlight... or even if you don't homeschool... you are welcome to participate.) Once your post goes live on the 25th, come back here to the Sonlight blog and link up with us.

Everyone who participates in January will be entered in a drawing for the fabulous prize package pictured above. Valued at $145, this inspiring package includes:

  • The Busy Homeschool Mom's Guide to Romance by Heidi St. John
  • Help for the Harried Homeschooler by Christine M. Field
  • Miserly Moms by Jonni McCoy
  • Say Goodbye to Survival Mode by Crystal Paine
  • The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias
  • A Treasury of Wisdom audio CD by Jim Weiss
  • Sonlight's heavy-duty canvas book bag
  • PLUS a Sonlight gift certificate for $25!

And in case you missed the announcement, Heidi St. John and Crystal Paine will be joining Sonlight's president Sarita Holzmann for our Inspire 25 online event on January 22. It's sure to be an encouraging evening. I hope you'll join us!

 

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Does Homeschooling Prepare You Academically?

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In a word: Yes.

Homeschooling prepares you academically. Absolutely. I had a chance recently to sit down and chat with my siblings about our experiences with homeschooling.

Mortarboard
Mortarboard

My older sister attended a private Christian school -- at great expense to my parents -- and demanded to be homeschooled when she discovered that she had not been taught about centrifugal force by sixth grade and we remaining siblings (around Kindergarten) had just discussed it at length at home.

My younger brother said he hated homeschooling because, as an extrovert, he was alone at home once us older children had moved on. But even he, who had drifted in an out of traditional classes and homeschooling, admitted that he was prepared academically.

My younger sister shared how much she hated her traditional school experience in high school. It was a terrible fit for her and the pain from those four worst years of her life lingers to this day.

Me? I've written about my high school experiences (both positive and negative), my reasons for going to a public high school, why that may not be a good fit for you, and the general overview of what it's like to transition from homeschool to public school. If you want to know more, read those posts, follow the links. I'll not reiterate all that here.

The point I want to remind us of today is this: Homeschooling is an excellent option from an academic standpoint. As we chatted, the theme that surfaced over and over again was that we had learned how to learn while homeschooling. And this set us up beautifully for both further education and life (with its constant opportunities for learning).

I was reminded of the time my mom realized just how terrible of a speller I was. With homeschooling, no problem; we simply shift a bit to focus on that and move forward (you can read more about that in Step 5 of my post How Do I Fit in All the Subjects for Homeschooling Each Day?).

My younger brother mentioned that he had missed Algebra in the shuffle, and so was lost when he was automatically placed in Geometry when he got to high school. But even here, for as frustrating an experience as that was, he did great.

Why?

Because homeschooling prepares you academically by teaching you how to teach yourself, how to learn, and that while you will always have gaps in your knowledge this is actually an opportunity.

Does homeschooling prepare you academically?

Yep.

...at least, to the degree any resource/tool can do anything for you. Ultimately, of course, you have an incredible impact on your children. And your children have to be involved. Labels do little; activity is what powers results -- though it does not guarantee them. So perhaps the question in this post itself is misstated.

Can my child be prepared academically via homeschool?

Yes. A thousand times, yes!

And the beauty of homeschooling with a curriculum you and your children love is that when you love to learn, your children find joy in the life-long process of learning. Education, then, is not about filling seat time, making grades, or passing tests. Homeschooling becomes about learning, learning how to learn, and learning how much more there is to learn in this wide world we have the opportunity to impact.

And, friends, it doesn't get better than that.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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Governing Souls

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I haven't read the book, but the following quote stirred me:

It is a terrible sin – really nothing less than murder – when someone entrusted with a pastoral service thinks he has the right to govern souls.

As parents, we have a pastoral role. No, we're not officially clergy, but we are here to shepherd. We nurture, lead, bind up wounds, help the fallen, pull off ticks and burrs and thorns (physical or otherwise). God has entrusted us with caring for and serving the children He has given us.

Sheep
Sheep - a metaphor for us all

A fitting reminder that it is up to the Holy Spirit to do the work of transforming us; we can do little more than demonstrate Christ's grace and keep pointing our kids to Him. May we never fall into the temptation to believe that we are the masters of a child's fate.

Even as we govern, at the start, our children's schedule, we still are not in control of them as people. We can, by our words and actions, encourage or dishearten. The ways we discipline and correct can nurture or beat down. The moment we strive to force their souls in one way or another, we take on a role that God Himself shuns. He calls, beckons, woos. He welcomes. His will is done, but His sovereignty is not challenged by the freedom He gives each of us. And if you're more of a TULIP type person, you best not dabble in God's space; He chooses, you are not the one to govern.

The missionary biographies we've read as part of Sonlight's complete curriculum offer insights into how we should approach our children: With love, the Good News, and our own journey. The efforts to spread the Gospel that have ruined lives are those bent on bending souls to fit our mold. The missionaries that have built up, empowered, and helped their "sheep" thrive have had a different focus. Instead of governing, they set their sights on nurturing.

May the same be said of us.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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How Christmas Addresses Our Hurts

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Several years ago I shared some musings on how the Christmas story is one of turmoil and pain. I've been thinking about that more during morning prayer here at Sonlight. The prayer requests are typical of our fallen world -- sickness, death, conflict, even international incidents that make it to our ears -- but the timing feels extra painful.

"How horrible to lose a father right before Christmas," someone says.

It's true. While the rest of the world rejoices, we find our lives rocked by one hurt or another.

Christmas-Pain
Christmas Pain

On one hand, I'm so thankful for the passage about rejoicing and mourning with people. We can do both at the same time. It's not at all hypocritical -- through producing a bit of emotional whiplash -- to celebrate the birth of Christ and an annual unity with believers while also crying with a hurting friend, relative, or even on your own.

Christ is our Redeemer, our Savior, the One who makes things new.

That is still in process.

But you don't have to fake it. This is real life, and He came into it to heal us, pour out grace, and remind us to keep looking to the Father.

As I blogged before, there are many things about Christ's birth story that sound very similar to today (divorce, politics, death threats, and more). This is Christmas.

Your house a mess? Your life in upheaval? You feeling beaten down because of this or that?

This is Christmas.

You fit right in.

Come, let us adore Him, the One who came to address our hurts by setting aside His divinity and sacrificing Himself for us.

This is Christmas.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Pseudo-Dad

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My student doesn't want to do anything

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You bought all of this great curriculum ... the books hold great stories, the workbooks are colorful and appealing, and it's all organized for you ... but your 6 year old just sits at the table and stares out the window. As the days go by, you get further and further behind, and that just increases the frustration for both you and him.

Motivation is that nebulous quality that drives our desire for, and commitment to, reaching a goal. It has been said that we are never unmotivated, we are simply more motivated toward certain goals. So what motivates a 6 year old? Or any student, for that matter? Better yet, why is a 6 year old seemingly unmotivated when it comes to his education?

If this describes your student, here are some thoughts you may wish to consider. The answer to these simple questions may help you determine why motivation seems to be missing when it comes to school work.

  1. Is it possible that your student is bored? Perhaps the curriculum you've chosen is simply not challenging enough for your child.  (A content issue)
  2. Is it possible that your child is a "mover/shaker" (a kinesthetic learner) and having to sit still and do academics makes him shut down? (A delivery issue)
  3. Is it possible that this is a behavioral problem? In other words, how does your child behave in other areas of life when he is required to fulfill a task? (A heart issue)

Sometimes we get so focused on a child's age or grade, that we forget that learning needs to happen at a child's skill level. The end result may be that your student is bored with material that is too easy for him, or frustrated with content that is too difficult. Try to set aside any preconceived grade level, and instead, focus on what your child knows in each subject. Perhaps work on one subject at a time for a few days, so you can hone in on problem areas. Placement tests can be a useful tool as you evaluate materials. Listen to what your child says about what he is learning. Be willing to make changes, even if that means switching to materials that are at a level that do not match your child's age.

Delivery can be just as important as content. Sitting your child at a table with a workbook may not be the best way for your student to learn. Some children are simply not wired to sit still to be able to focus. Stretching out under the dining room table with a good book, or playing hopscotch while memorizing math facts may be a much better approach to use with a kinesthetic learner. Determining your child's learning style may go a long way in helping improve motivation for academics. Keep in mind ... learning does not only happen at a desk/table in a totally silent room. Look for ways to integrate learning into your everyday activities instead of trying to force an artificial learning environment.

Attitude may be the most challenging reason to address for lack of motivation. Concepts such as respect and recognizing authority are just as important to teach as math and phonics. One of the most valuable things we can teach our children is that life is full of things that aren't necessarily fun or enjoyable. Some days you have to memorize addition facts, even if you hate doing it, because mom knows that eventually you will need that skill. There are myriads of books, blog posts, and web sites out there on child training, so I won't belabor the point. But I would encourage you to be willing to see this as an area that may need some work.

Finally ... my attitude as a parent/teacher will go a long way toward encouraging motivation for learning in my student. Get excited about discovering new things with your child. Don't let school become something your student does for 4 hours every weekday morning. Instead, view learning as a lifestyle ... one that you and your child share.

Still on the journey ...
~Judy Wnuk

P.S. There's a lot to be said for letting a child be a child as long as possible. Perhaps 5 and 6 year old students aren't motivated for formal academics because they're busy learning what it means to be 5 or 6 and simply being amazed at the world around them. Don't stifle that inbred desire to investigate and discover or the need to move and be busy!

 

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Gifts

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'Tis the season of giving gifts! A time when we look to the ultimate Gift Giver and marvel at the wonderful grace he gave us when he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to make a way for us to be near him.

If gifts are your thing, this can be a very fun time of year. You think really hard, or are hit with an inspiration, of what you think someone else might enjoy, and then, yay! the joy of watching someone open a gift you've given them.

But, during this time of focusing on gifts, I have been struck with a pain that goes back 4 years. When Gracie died, it was an immediate loss. An immediate removal of a very good gift. But there have been more losses surrounding that. My dream of an unmedicated birth was over. Because of the type of surgery I had, trying for a natural birth was no longer an option. I never had the chance to experience labor. My dream of four children to raise ended with three.

After Jackson's birth this summer, we chose to follow the doctor's orders and take permanent measures. Again, because of health issues, they really encouraged us (me) to be content with the children I have and keep myself safe so I can raise them. It was the final gut punch in a series of hardship and sadness around childbearing.

That gift of life -- of raising life, of experiencing life -- for us, is on pause.

Snow-Pine-Tree
Snow on a Pine Tree

And I wrestle with that. And I grieve over that. And, honestly, this was going to be a pretty different blog post, but as I started writing, I thought about my good Gift Giver. He is looking at me, at my family, my life, who I am, and choosing just the best gift for me. It doesn't look like the package shape I was expecting, but, I know it'll be good.

What good gift seems taken away from you right now? Is there a dream or a passion that seems on hold? Ended?

May it be that as we take time to focus on Christ in this season we would welcome whatever the gift of our life is. And may we be able to see it for what it is: a beautiful gift waiting to be unwrapped.

Blessings,
Jonelle

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