Books #2: No Tests

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Sonlight doesn't test.

In a classroom setting, it makes sense that teachers offer progress tests. How else would they be able to evaluate how each individual student is doing, what each student is retaining?

Homeschooling parents, though, have ample opportunity to figure out how much their children are learning. Read a book and then ask your children some questions. The Sonlight Instructor's Guides include specific questions, but, more generically, you might ask: What scene stands out to you? What character did you like the most? What character did you like the least? When does this story take place?

If your children can answer, they were listening and learning. And if they can't answer, try a simple multiple choice question, made up on the spot, like: "Did Cinderella have slippers made of wood, metal, or glass?"

Usually children can answer a multiple choice question like that.

And if your children cannot, then figure out ways to help your children listen better.

  • Do they need something to do with their hands, like play with silly putty?
  • Or do they need to sit still and not do something with their hands?
  • Do you need to take the time to explain things more clearly
  • Or do they need to answer questions every few paragraphs as you read, to ensure that they are staying engaged?

One of my sons has a terrible time with names. When we read Detectives in Togas (which is fantastic!), I got out a Little People figure for each character, and would point to the character whenever the action or speech required. I've read this book at least a half dozen times over the years, and this was the first time I really noticed how timid one character was, how imaginative (and over-the-top) another character was, how the son of a judge sounded like a lawyer, and the leader of the group of boys had his work cut out for him. So it was a win for me, too.

This is what teachers do: figure out how to help their students learn.

But let's assume that your children are getting some big picture things, that they can answer some questions, and that, over time, they refer back to what they learned about weeks or months before.

That's wonderful! That's enough!

Any first exposure to a subject is just that--a first exposure. They will go over the material again.

So much of early elementary school is intended to learn how to learn, and to learn that learning is fun.

You have constant feedback on how much your children are understanding. And for subjects like math and spelling, where the later years build on the skills learned in younger years, if your children struggle, you have the time to work with them to figure it out, so they gain mastery.

Ready to start the adventure? Visit SmoothCourse.to start today.

Warmly,

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Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. In The Shallows, a fascinating book about how the Internet affects our brain, author Nicholas Carr talked about how memory works in the brain. How does a fleeting moment become a long-term memory? Without getting into all the science of neurons and synapses, basically the science shows that even if a person's memory fades, the brain doesn't go back to its initial state, but keeps some connections. This is why it's easier to learn something a second time. (Curious to know more? This discussion is on pp. 182-187.)

Which is all to say: even if your children have very little memory of what they learn at age 5, their brains have made some permanent connections. And they will be able to relearn that much faster the next time.

P.P.S. Some states legally require standardized testing. That's another topic, for another day.

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Freedom to Dream of an Intentional Family Culture

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What do you want your family culture to look like? If you took out a giant sheet of paper to brainstorm how you want your family to engage with each other and the world, what would you write? What would you say about your family’s values, how you want to interact, how you want to spend your time, and how you want to be part of society?

I’m getting excited just thinking about this. We have immense freedom to create and sustain an intentional family culture in our own homes. Within some given constraints, we can choose how we spend our days, our weeks, our years.

Many Christian parents hope that their families place a high value on:

  • Quality family time together
  • Time in Scripture together
  • Open dialogue between children and parents (an atmosphere where kids can freely ask questions and trust their parents to respect and guide them)
  • Slowing down in order to savor life and notice how God is working
  • God’s heart to share love and truth with the world

Are those items on your list, too? You can help them become more of a reality for your daily family life.

For one, Sonlight’s curriculum supports you in each of these values, which in turn helps you build the family life you want. I personally value everything on that list immensely and I intentionally create your curriculum to support you in these areas. For example, the basic method of the Sonlight way of learning provides quality time between parents and children and encourages meaningful conversation about topics that matter. That’s not just coincidence. You can read all of Sonlight’s top ten goals here and see if they match your own.

And beyond that, you can be as intentional as you want about your family life. You already know that it will be hard work and the positive culture you want for your family won’t just happen on its own. But why not write it all down and ask God to guide and help you?

If you feel inspired to take a step toward thoughtfully building your family culture, consider one mom’s helpful outline of how to write a family mission statement. What would your mission statement say?

God bless you as you help guide your family. We are with you in this!

Blessings to you and yours,

Sarita

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Attitude adjustment, too, is the work of homeschooling

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Teaching math and reading is important. Teaching good attitudes and right relationships is more important.

Daniel Levitin, in The Organized Mind, says this.

Of the thousands of ways that human beings differ from one another, perhaps the most important trait for getting along with others is agreeableness. In the scientific literature, to be agreeable is to be cooperative, friendly, considerate, and helpful--attributes that are more or less stable across the lifetime, and show up early in childhood. Agreeable people are able to control undesirable emotions such as anger and frustration. . . . Some of this emotional regulation can be learned--children who receive positive reinforcement for impulse control and anger management become agreeable adults. As you might imagine, being an agreeable person is a tremendous advantage for maintaining positive social relationships.(129)

I read this and was sobered for my children who tend to be less agreeable, so if your response is also taken aback . . . I am with you. We all want what is best for our children.

Thus, in my house, there have been times where most of "homeschooling" looks like "attitude adjustment." These seasons don't last for months, but they might last a couple of weeks.

During these seasons, scenes like this play out.

  • "When I called you, you stomped your foot and pouted. Let's try that again." And we repeat until we have obedience. (And if there is a pause in the middle for a rest time . . . then there's a pause.)
  • "You are fidgeting. I know you weren't fidgeting five minute ago when you were playing, and this seems pretty disrespectful. With so much energy to burn, please run around the house three times. When you're finished, let's see if you're ready to sit still." (This is an easy, measurable physical exertion. It interrupts the school day . . . but the fidgets had already started that interruption.)
  • "That wasn't said in a nice tone. Here's how I want those words to sound." If my child imitates my voice and speech, I am socializing him so he behaves the way I want him to sound.
  • "This interaction didn't go very well. Let's change the words and try again." And then role-play a better interaction.

All of these corrections take time. But if you think about it, if you spend two weeks focusing on attitude and correcting behavior, and from then on, you enjoy your children's presence more, and they get along better, that is far better for your family than if you had finished another Read-Aloud and two chapters in math.

Which is to say: realize that your children might have more behavioral issues than you thought. Be prepared to take the time to address their behavior in a more focused way for a period, if you need to.

There is hope. The brain is incredibly plastic (to use the scientific term): it changes according to the environment. So even if you realize that you have been lax in behavior training, after a short burst of more intense focus, your children will be behaving better and your home will be less chaotic.

I end with this bit of blazing glory from Paul's letter to the Romans: "God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance."

May you have the wisdom to know what the kindness of God looks like, so that you may raise the next generation well.

More to come

Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. And, please, remember this too: all of your children are their own people. They all make their own choices. I assume that God is a perfect parent (unlike me), and yet he deals with disobedient and rebellious children.

Just like in the other areas of school where I cannot take the credit for my children's successes, nor the blame for their failures, remember this here as well: do your best to train, and the result is between each child and the Lord.

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Attitude #4: Some children are tougher than others

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One of my dear friends has five adult children. They are all doing well in life now, all walking with God. But she said, "When they were young, one of them was so naughty! I think I disciplined him every day until he was twelve. There were mornings he would get up, and I would think, 'Might as well get the discipline out of the way now, because we both know you're going to need it today!'"

I have five children, too. And they are not all equally compliant. If I had only the children who were less compliant, I might feel like a pretty incompetent parent! But with five, I can see that, yes, some personalities are, indeed, more challenging.

If that discourages me (and it does sometimes), I think, "None of my children have been disciplined every day until age twelve," and then I feel better. At least a little bit.

Or if we have dealt with a long stretch of naughty behavior, I think, "My friend's son was super naughty growing up, but look how well he turned out! Persevere!"

It is also helpful for me, at times, to step back and really look at my children. My oldest always seemed so old, since the second baby came along pretty quickly. But an old-looking three-year-old is still . . . just three.

Or if a ten-year-old behaves badly, I shouldn't think, "Clearly you are on the path to perdition and all is now lost!" No. Ten is still young. Old enough to know better? Of course. But still learning? Yes!

As old as I am, and as honestly as I seek to follow God, I am not perfect. I have received much grace. And much gentle correction. And sometimes stern correction.

Extend to your children that same grace, forgiveness, gentle correction, and occasional stern correction.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

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Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. Just because one child is more obedient from the get-go doesn't mean that they will not later struggle, nor does it mean that the one you are struggling with now will always be disruptive.

Children have different personalities, and the Lord uses all of these for his glory. Jesus made both firecracker Peter and milder Philip as part of his inside circle, and they both served him and advanced the kingdom of God.

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Attitude #3: Prepare for it to get worse before it gets better

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Hi Friend,

One of my friends preaches on occasion. If the verses he is preparing to speak about relate to gratitude, he will catch himself being ungrateful. If the verses are about loving your neighbor, he will face a situation that makes loving his neighbor very difficult.

It's like a spotlight shines in, and illuminates the opportunity for growth and change.

When my youngest was on the cusp of learning to speak, my husband pointed out that he whined all the time. I had not really noticed--with four older boys and the distractions of work and homeschooling, it was easy enough to simply meet the needs of the youngest and move on.

But once my husband demonstrated the specific, grating noise, I knew to listen for it. And, yes, my son made that horrible sound regularly.

This might happen to you. If you start to watch for bad attitudes, as well as bad behavior, realize that you might be overwhelmed initially. How did this crop of weeds grow up in your beautiful garden? Ack!

Do not grow discouraged (or at least, do not give in to discouragement!). Once you see the weeds, the right response is to pull them, not ignore them and pretend they don't exist. And if you have to weed a whole lot for a while, that's just what you have to do.

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Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. You can do this! It is not the most fun part of parenting, but it is so worthwhile as you see your children start to respond.

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Attitude #2: Prepare for it to get worse before it gets better

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One of my friends preaches on occasion. If the verses he is preparing to speak about relate to gratitude, he will catch himself being ungrateful. If the verses are about loving your neighbor, he will face a situation that makes loving his neighbor very difficult.

It's like a spotlight shines in, and illuminates the opportunity for growth and change.

When my youngest was on the cusp of learning to speak, my husband pointed out that he whined all the time. I had not really noticed--with four older boys and the distractions of work and homeschooling, it was easy enough to simply meet the needs of the youngest and move on.

But once my husband demonstrated the specific, grating noise, I knew to listen for it. And, yes, my son made that horrible sound regularly.

This might happen to you. If you start to watch for bad attitudes, as well as bad behavior, realize that you might be overwhelmed initially. How did this crop of weeds grow up in your beautiful garden? Ack!

Do not grow discouraged (or at least, do not give in to discouragement!). Once you see the weeds, the right response is to pull them, not ignore them and pretend they don't exist. And if you have to weed a whole lot for a while, that's just what you have to do.

Read More

Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. You can do this! It is not the most fun part of parenting, but it is so worthwhile as you see your children start to respond.

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Attitude #1: How is your attitude?

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What is the saying? If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

Children are astonishingly perceptive. Have you ever noticed that the times that you are the most agitated—the times you’d really appreciate it if your children could just get along!—are the times that your children start to fight?

It’s frustrating! But it also makes sense. In many cases, your children mirror you. If you’re agitated, they’ll be agitated. If you’re happy, they’ll be happy. (This is true in my marriage, too. If I am grumpy, it’s hard for my husband to be upbeat in the face of my sourness.)

This is not to say that you need some ideal form of tranquility of mind and gladness of heart before you can deal with your children’s behavior. No. You are a person as well, and are free to experience the full range of emotions. Even if you are in a hard season yourself, know that you are still able to deal with your children’s behavior as soon as you notice it’s an issue. You are still able to adjust them, lead them, even if you don’t feel like you have it all together.

But do recognize that if your family is in a time of transition and stress, your children will probably act out more. If you’re grieving, your children probably will pick up on that, too. If you’re dissatisfied, expect some complaining from them.

And recognize that: if it’s hard, it might get harder. Then give that to God, ask for the attitude of Christ, and go forward in newness of life.

If you are in a season of peace, rejoice and be glad for the chance to enjoy one another.

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Amy's pic

Amy Lykosh
John and Sarita's oldest daughter
Second-generation Sonlighter
Homeschooling mom to five

www.sonlight.com

P.S. Please don’t underestimate the strain of things beyond your control. Loss of jobs, deaths in the family, depression . . . these are not small things. There is grace for you. You are not required to be “perfect” or perfectly together for your children. God will hold you together, even in the difficult seasons.

Do these seasons affect your children? Yes. But God is holding them together, too.

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