Olfactory cues are powerful things. To this day the smell of my parent's leather couch brings me back to several specific titles I read while homeschooled. Campfire smoke trapped in clothing transports me to the woods. Chlorine raises my pulse as I remember preparing to swim the mile at Nationals.

Other smells are even more naturally tied. The scent of a Christmas tree. Cookies and bread baking in the oven. The smell of snow as it approaches on the night air. Wet wool mittens as they dry.

But one smell consistently causes my eyes to well up with tears: My car's heater running at full blast.

Something about that hot, dry air rushing over my face in my frozen car reminds me of "the holidays." I don't know what it is about this time of year but I don't feel a closeness to all humanity. Instead, I feel distant, aloof, alone.

Which is crazy. I'm always with friends and family. We go the church services. We have parties. We eat, drink and are merry.

Perhaps that's the problem.

I'm an introvert and a homebody. Parties don't elevate me. "Catching up" with distant relatives feels forced. The inevitable exhausted drive home in the cold dark nights around Christmas just gets to me.

Night Drive

I love celebrating with my family. I do enjoy the opportunities and connections this time of year allows. I have a New Year's party every year at my house. So it's not that I don't like this time of year. But for whatever reason, the smell of my car's heater reminds me that I often feel lonely too.

Why so glum?

Yesterday I spent some time crafting a couple blog comments. Both have been rejected by the blog authors. One went so far as to slam me for attempting to comment.

I take my position seriously. I love interacting with people on blogs. I am thrilled when I meet a new person.

But some days, much like those cold holiday night drives, I feel alone.

Do you ever get moody near the holidays, or is it just me?

What's your favorite memory that comes back to you when you smell something?

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

P.S. I'm not really fishing for positive comments here, but I sure do appreciate them <smile>.

Presents, trees, family and friends, eggnog, reindeer, corny old movies, potentially even cornier music, red and green decorations hanging everywhere, cards from people you've never met, sales, and conspiracy theories.

Ah... Christmas.

I was thinking about writing a series on this, but "the bounce has gone out of my bungee." And I did a series last week, so... yeah. No series. Just a few points that have struck me over the last few weeks.

Twice now I've heard people discuss the things that Christmas "borrowed" from pre-Christian beliefs. Seems to be a rather popular topic this time of the year. And why not? If Christ's birth is merely the conglomeration of myths cut and pasted together, then that sure puts Christianity in a bad light.

Trouble is: While many of the commonly cited religions/mythologies do predate Christ, their ties to Christ don't appear until well after Christ Himself.

Huh?

Winter Solstice has long been celebrated by cultures worldwide. And with good reason: Agrarian cultures are tied closely to the changing seasons. But ties to a Son of God, born of a virgin, later to die a martyr's death and rise again to save mankind... yeah, those all got tied to various mythologies post-Christ.

My mom researched this a few weeks back in response to a letter she received. And my pastor talked about it yesterday. Since it came up twice, thought it was time to pass it along. Fear not: If anything, pagans borrowed from Christians for this one.

On the other side of the conspiracy fence is the group of Christians who decry Christmas because it borrows from pagans. Yep, that's right: Same complaint, slightly different bent. The argument goes that since this is a man-made potentially borrowed from pagans "holy day," we are to avoid it. Much like Halloween, only without the added ammunition of demons and ghouls.

Thus far, I haven't seen anything in Scripture that even hints at staying away from remembering Christ and spending time rejoicing in His goodness to us with friends and family. I've read a few blog posts on this recently, but they have been far from compelling. But, sure: The consumerism is a tad out of control. And it's a pain to find presents for everyone <smile>.

Whether you celebrate Christmas or Solstice or nothing, I am interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter. I do love me a good conspiracy <smile>.

For me, the only question that remains is this: Why do we have so many songs about Christ's birth, but so few about His Resurrection?

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

Parenting is hard. Homeschooling isn't.

That's my naive view of the moment. What's so hard about reading books together? I do that just about every night before bedtime. What's so hard about drilling kids on their colors and encouraging them to count? No, no... homeschooling is cake.

Parenting is rough! Good grief. Why didn't anyone tell me!?!

...wait... oh, right. You did.

I often giggle along while reading my Other Posts of Note; so many great stories of how parenting is both a delight and a strain. But, come on!

...

You've probably gathered this by now, but yesterday was not a good day.

Not good at all.

Bad attitudes all around (yep, me too). A constipated child (two hours of wailing and gnashing of teeth to get a "poopy" out. ...sign me up¹).

<sigh>

His mercies are new every morning. And that is a very good thing.

Seriously: If you can survive your children till they get to formal school age, homeschooling will be cake.

Cake, I tell you. No lie.²

Okay, sure, I'm sure there will be days where homeschooling is difficult. I know there will be. But posterity is kicking my posterior right now.

Homeschooling is not hard. It's the parenting that's killing me.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

¹Thankfully, my wife handled that. She's a saint.
²This is a joke. A very good joke, I might add. Very funny. To me. Since it's possible you haven't played Portal just take my word for it. Or smile and shake your head. My wife does.

One of those important socialization phenomena that I missed until high school was a game they called Quarters. No, not the drinking game. Students at my school played the version that drew blood.

I was reminded of this less-than-sanitary pastime while hunting for a pair of socks this morning. After digging around in the hamper, I sat down on the bed.

'What?' My knuckles had started to bleed. The realization slowly hit me: In my repeated dives into the depths of the plastic clothes bin, I had scraped my knuckles raw. Serves me right for not helping fold the laundry...

Raw Knuckles

[NB: The above photo would have been more impressive if I hadn't washed my hands earlier. But unlike my fellow classmates of years gone by, I do practice certain levels of caution with biohazardous materials.]

Don't get me wrong: I really enjoyed my few years of public school. But not because of the socialization I had missed while homeschooled. If anything, I was secure enough in myself to avoid much of the madness around me.

That's not to say I was much more mature than my friends. I don't think I was. But I was confident in who I was and what I did. Perhaps overly so. But in environments where drawing blood is the social norm, my years at home prepared me to stand apart. The peer pressure of socialization phased me not at all.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

The engine grinds and sputters. The windows are laced with tendrils of hoar frost. Outside the predawn has yet to penetrate the cold blanket of clouds.

"Come on," I mutter. My breath is ghostly in the half-light.

I turn the key again.

The engine begrudgingly turns over and painfully putters to a purr. The display on my dash slowly appears.

-4^°

Yikes. It's cold this morning. Silently quipping about global warming, I back out of the drive and onto the slippery street. I'm heading to Sonlight. It's time to get to work.

It's Tuesday.

***

It's Thursday now, but it was hard to get going Tuesday morning. It was cold. I felt a little groggy. There was a ton to do. Oh, and other things were rough.

Life is great today. But there are days and times when getting started feels like too much hassle. And it doesn't have to be due to cold weather or spats at home. Perhaps you're feeling tied down by your routine; my wife was Sunday night. Perhaps you've run into a financial situation that took the proverbial wind out of your sails; you know, things like the plumbing backing up. Yeah. Been there, done that. Perhaps you're an "old pro" but, for whatever reason, just feel like tossing in the towel today.

These are the times when having another person to lean on, glean from and pray with can be so helpful!

Don't forget that Sonlight has many opportunities and places for you to find people to talk, cry and pray with. Visit the Sonlight Forums for everything from a good laugh to get you started to deep soul searching that spurs you on. Swing by Sonlight's Facebook page to swap stories and share your experience. Contact us if we can be of any help.

And if you're struggling to get started with Sonlight, be sure to chat with a Sonlight Advisor. They'll be able to help you choose the right homeschool program for you. They can also offer insights into the program you are currently using.

Don't let something needlessly stall you. I know it can be hard, but with encouragement and a little help, even frozen engines get going. And you can too!

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father