Tiredness is hard. Carrying heavy thoughts, emotions, feelings can become quickly overwhelming. I experienced this last month when I went from, "I'm good, I'm handling this..." to complete melt down. I sent one of those panic emails and my sister came out the next day. It was pouring rain and my sister and her youngest arrived on the 5th anniversary of my daughter's death.
It was perfect.
Amy stayed 9 days. Every day my parents and my brother, Luke, and his wife, Brittany, would come for dinner. We'd do dinner, and after a few hours my parents would head to their home and their beds and Luke and Britt would stay to talk until midnight or so. Many good conversations. Encouragement all around.
And, because my sister has energy like you wouldn't believe, during the day we did a project: we went through my house. Every room, every drawer, every basket, every piece of anything, we touched it all. (Honesty begs me to say, I have one box filled with articles and old letters, special things I want to hold on to and not sort today...and one other small box that I should just finish -- but that's it!)
We started in the kitchen. Look at every item, every spice and ingredient. Amy would ask, "Do you use it?" (Well, I did...) "Do you love it?" (Well, I actually hate it, but it's all I have!) "Talk to me about this..."
That was Amy's way of helping me decide what to keep. "Talk to me about this."
So as we sorted and sifted and laughed, we laughed hard. Sometimes we would pause and I would talk about why I held on to something. Many items I've had for years and they caused me pain. They were reminders that things get broken, that there is sadness, that time marches on. And after talking, I would get rid of it. I would let it go. I would put it away so I can cling, instead, to the memories I have which are filled with light.
It was a beautiful time.
My pastor preached on living a life of plenty instead of scarcity. And I heard the encouraging message, "You have plenty Jonelle. Plenty of time. Plenty of pans. Plenty of clothes. Plenty of food. Plenty of friends. Plenty of joy. You are not living in scarcity."
That is a message I'm working on -- working to implant deep in my heart. Those 9 days helped me see plenty in a new light. The people I have help me see my plenty.