When God Keeps a Door Closed

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...He Sometimes Breaks a Window

That title came to mind a week ago. I thought it was clever and fun, but I wasn't so sure about the theological implications.

Joseph--you know, the kid sold into slavery by his brothers--seemed like a pretty solid example of God's redemptive power working in even violent situations. And with that, I decided the title was legitimate. God breaking windows and all.

So what door has remained closed?

Adoption. We're still waiting.

What window just broke?

After work I'm heading to the airport to pick up three girls: Brittany (my wife) and two little ones we're going to be caring for over the next two months "or so" ...meaning, there's no real end date in mind yet.

Broken Window


On the one hand, we get to love and care for two little girls. But we're only surrogates. It's very temporary.

We have the opportunity and joy of having two children. On the other hand, a family is hurting and in such need that they are sending their children away for a while. The pain is palpable.

Open door? No.

Open window? Nope.

But we get to squeeze past a few shards of glass for the time being.

And that's something... something else entirely.

But for now, I'm no longer an expectant father. I'm a surrogate.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

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  1. TexasHeather

    I cannot imagine the pain of the adoption door remaining firmly closed for so long, nor can I imagine the myriad emotions you & your wife must feel at surragocy of this nature, but I can & am praying for a wonderful, healing time for both of you and both of these girls during the time they are with you.

  2. Julie.

    I had no idea. Hugs to you and your family. My prayers and thoughts are with you and everyone involved. What a blessing to be a surrogate father! Those two little girls could not be in better hands. Maybe the opportunity will help keep your thoughts happily occupied and keep you from dwelling on the pain caused by waiting. Yes, you are still waiting. But you can get in a lot of great practice in the meantime! My cousin adopted a little girl from China. After waiting almost two years, finally getting the finacial details settled and paid, even travelling to China to visit an orphanage, she (a single woman) was told that China would no longer send children to the US. She was so distraught because she is older and had to take out loans. Everything was ready. She had to look at an empty nursery filled with little dresses. Her heart was broken. After almost a year, her dreams finally came true. I am praying for you and I hope your wait is almost over! I hope this situation anly makes you stronger and leads to even greater rewards.

  3. Mrs. C

    Still praying for a miracle for you. Prayers for a miracle in the healing of this family as well. God bless you guys for doing this.

    I hope the "or so" details can be worked out in a couple of weeks and that the transition would be very smooth for all involved.

  4. MiPa

    How amazingly generous of you and your wife to be able to be family for these little girls in a time of crisis. I'll be praying for all of you that this is a time of joy and healing and peace for the girls. And I'll continue to pray that the adoption door opens up in God's timing.

  5. se7en

    Oh All the best with your little girls. I wish you hours of fun and remember melt downs pass!!! I am sorry that your adoption is taking for ever - God's timing is seldom ours and looking back we can understand it but being in there is tough... and I am sorry.

  6. theheartofachild

    Praying for you all!!!

  7. Karen Joy

    Wow, bittersweet indeed.

    I pray that your time of "surrogacy" is an amazing time of investing in, sowing into, and blessing those two little girls' lives, and that you will reap in return.

    A couple at church has fostered literally hundreds of babies over their 30 years of fostering, and I was so blessed by her attitude when describing how she "copes": She prays over the children when they come in, prays over them while they're there, prays over them when they leave, knowing that it's possible that their home might be the only true, loving, Godly family that those children ever encounter, and she just has to do the best she can with what she has.

    BLESS YOU in your endeavor.

  8. Meg_L

    It may not be what you want in the long run, but think of what you are offering to those little girls.

    I know people who have had something like that happen to them and the relationship they built lasts a life time.

  9. Luke

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and encouragement! Brittany was feeling way overwhelmed last night (after 12 hours of travel, and flying with two little girls for a couple of hours)... but today has seemed to go well thus far.


  10. mom

    {{{Luke and Brittany}}} Praying for both of you knowing the love in your hearts will do these two little girls a world of good at this time.

    Tammy ~@~

  11. Kim & Dave

    Well, Luke......sounds like we need to keep you & your family in our prayers, for sure!!!

    Praying for wisdom for you & Brittney, & for love for these precious children the Lord has entrusted you with for now.

    Psalm 27:13 &14

    I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In theland of the living.

    Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

  12. Butter

    How wonderful that you guys can step in and help this family. I pray you will all adjust and be happy together as long as you have them.

  13. Luke

    Thank you, all! Please keep us in your prayers. We very much appreciate it!


  14. mary grace

    I was away while you posted this, so the post about two little girls and box day had me scratching my head. :-)

    Luke, I know how hard waiting is. granted, our situation was different--aren't they all? But I do know what it's like to sit and wait and wonder and look up at the sky and mouth "What's the hold up?" for months that stretch into years.

    I'm still praying for you guys. God's working on your behalf. Don't doubt it. Remember the angel who shows up to speak to Daniel? The gist? "I was on my way the instant your prayer hit God's ears, but evil slowed me down a bit." He still made it, though. God ALWAYS comes through.

  15. Luke

    Thank you so much, Mary Grace! And I'm glad you caught up on what's going down <smile>.


  16. Farm Fresh Jessica

    Aw sweetie. What a blessing you are to that family. So proud of your & Brittany's loving and giving hearts.

    Love the imagery by the way.

  17. Kimmie

    Hi Luke and Brittany;

    What a blessing to give out when you are feeling empty yourselves. May God bless you and move in unexpected heavenly ways for you and for these little sweeties.

    Bless you friend. Praying for you and for your adoption. We were stuck for 3 years in an adoption to Guatemala, our hearts ached, as did our bank account. Then God suddenely moved. He surprised us. Stay on your knees and from their keep your eyes open Luke...He's full of surprise blessings.

    mama to 7
    one homemade and 6 adopted

  18. Luke

    Thank you Jessica and Kimmie! We appreciate the encouragement.


  19. ~ Angi :)

    Hi Luke ~ I'm reading this post months after you wrote it. I had to click out of my chrome reader to say: "I don't have the play gene."

    As I read about your surrogate season, I could relate to your sense of 'not having fun' - those moments of 'quality time' that really, for you? Were drudgery.

    When Gil stepped into our lives, play between the children and an adult revived. I watched on the sidelines, laughed, but stayed far away.

    I find now, after several years, that I've picked up a touch of my husband's ability. Osmosis? Suggestion? I dunno.

    But, this go 'round, with L'il Man? I suspect I'm going to be a touch more playful than I've ever been before with my 4 - 12 year-olds.

    I do empathize. I really do. Maybe the Lord will send you a play gene or two. :) I'll ask Him if He might spare a few off the shelf that He sent Gil. :)

  20. Luke

    Thanks so much, Angi! I'm hoping that some of that "play gene" rubs off on my soon. I see hints of it here and there, but have yet to really get into. I think I may need to let my inner child get out a bit more for that to happen.

    Thanks for the encouragement!