I've had a follow up post to A Reason Not to Homeschool almost ready to go since Friday morning, but my sister's baby totally took over. My other post is coming, but I have to take care of current business first:

Baby Grace is doing well, as is Jonelle. My dad's blog has a ton of photos and all the latest.

I was, as I said on Friday, blown away by your response and prayers. Thank you. Words do not express the gratitude I feel at the outpouring of your support. Your immediate and continued prayers powerfully demonstrated the kind of community we are: A community of support and love. A community of prayer.

I am so honored to be a part of this community. What a privilege!

Three things struck me today:

1. I want to remind you that we absolutely want to support you in prayer as well. If you don't feel like sharing your prayer matter with the world via Facebook, we do have the private Prayer Closet on our Forums. We pray for these needs on a weekly basis within our prayer groups.

2. With great popularity comes great opportunity. You may not read my posts often. You may not know me very well. You may not really care what I think about. But when I posted with the Sonlight logo on Facebook an urgent prayer need, you responded. 144 comments here. 50 there. More and more pouring in. Absolutely inspiring and humbling. I'm not a celebrity in the homeschool world,^* but the Sonlight logo gave me a certain amount of clout. This is both wonderful and sobering.

Sobering because my friends who have equally weighty needs don't have the instant support that I did. They aren't connected to a well-known name. Their needs aren't as pressing. And so their burdens fall more squarely on their shoulders.

May we as a loving community of believers draw together for all needs. May we continue to support one another ever more. And may those who feel alone, abandoned, in need and still wanting be comforted. I know I need to grow in this area. Which leads to...

3. The Leech Effect. I hate bringing up the same prayer request week after week in our prayer groups. It feels draining, unproductive. And so I don't mention it. Worse yet, there are times when a need is brought up yet again that I think, 'This again?'

How terrible of me! May we never weary in doing good and constantly bring our needs before the Lord.

That said, what can I pray with you about today?

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

^*Not for lack of trying, mind you. <smile>

A family from church came over to hang out with us last night. They've adopted three girls from China--one of whom is in the Sunday School class we teach--and they seem to have "adopted" us as well. It's nice to have a couple who are a little farther down the path share the things they've learned with us.

We talked for a while about some of the struggles we're experiencing with the girls. [If you're up for a raw, albeit well-written, glimpse into some of that, swing by my wife's blog.] At one point while we were talking about food issues I said, "If they were merely afraid there wasn't going to be enough food, I could handle that. We covered that in adoption class. But this, this is entirely different and it drives me bonkers!"

Yes: Bonkers.

They smiled at me and offered some really good advice. Then some more. And even more after that. Some of it should be obvious--like the fact that I should focus on encouraging and building up, not just pointing out where they need to "shape up." But one idea was so totally different I just had to share it with you:

You make up the rules.

As a parent, we're in charge of the game. We make up the rules and if we need to change them for us--or our children--we can.

"But what about consistency?" I asked. "Consistency is key, right?"

"Yes, but if it's not helping anyone then it needs to change. The really important thing that must remain consistent is that they need to obey. But if it comes down to being consistent versus changing what needs to be done so you can help your child move forward... change."

That was good.

I have long felt trapped--painted into a corner--by my unyielding consistency done under the banner of "for the children."

Painting Myself into a Corner

No more.

This is my house. As the authority, the parent, I make the rules. And the rules can change. In fact, the rules should change if it will help me love the girls better and help the girls become the women they are supposed to become.

I'm Free

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

Three years ago I didn't even know that a place called Kyrgyzstan even existed. But then I started the process of adopting from there and noticed the name pop up now and again. Kyrgyzstan won a few medals in this last Olympics, for instance.

Then yesterday things went nuts there.

The nation turned itself inside out. A coup. Killing in the streets. Protests. It's a mess. And it doesn't help that there is pressure from Russia and the US on either side of this small country.

Your prayers are very much appreciated for the people of Kyrgyzstan and the three children we call our own who are still over there.

I'm personally invested in what happens in Kyrgyzstan now. I have their weather forecast location saved on my Wii weather report. I'm interested in what transpires in that area of the world.

Sonlight strives to give you and your students a similar connection with nations around the globe. The people you meet and the places you go in Sonlight's literature-based history programs give you experiences in other lands. You don't just read about a place; you learn about the people within it. People like the three children in orphanages somewhere near a political overthrow taking place right now.

The goal is that our hearts and minds would begin to develop a broader perspective on the world. That we would move beyond our own myopic experience and consider what else we might do with our lives to best impact others, both here and abroad.

Granted, what Sonlight will give you is not even close to the connection you feel when you've got people (your people) over there. But it's a great start and a very easy way to discover the broader world around you.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

I'm not so sure anyone else noticed, but it was painfully clear to me:

He was clueless.

The lanky kid strolled down the hall trying to act cool, but there was a nervous twitch in his gait. He was unsure of where he was going. The building was unfamiliar. The social expectations foreign. He was a lost figure in the midst of a sea of knowledgeable, comfortable, normal kids. The way he kept glancing at the paper in his hand made him look like a tourist from another land.

He was lost.

Over the next few months I watched him as he sat in the front of all his classes, ate lunch by himself in one of the locker rooms, didn't really make any friends and never talked to anyone outside of class. He didn't belong in this world. He was socially inept and awkward.

He was a homeschooler.

Those poor awkward homeschoolers.

"What school do you come from?" a classmate would ask.

"I was homeschooled," he'd reply.

That's typically where the conversation would die. No one cared to learn more about homeschooling. It was different, unfamiliar, and that was enough for them. Besides, this kid was weird.

...

But as I look back on myself, now from the perspective of a few years and experience, I was no more awkward than any other student entering a new school filled with kids who had known each other since preschool. Granted, I may have willingly challenged the system a bit more coming from an educational model that encourages dialog between students and their instructors. I may have been more vocal about a few things now and again because I was uninhibited by years of peer pressure to conform. I may have been a tad of a loner, not willing to push myself on others, but that's because I only ever really had one truly incredible friend at a time. I wasn't looking for a social circle.

So are teenage homeschoolers sometimes awkward?

Absolutely.

They're about as awkward as any teenage kid. Toss a student from any background into a new situation and you're bound to have a certain amount of dysfunction.

That's life.

And it has almost nothing to do with homeschooling.

...

Not long after starting "real school" this young man ate lunch with a diverse circle of friends. He was active in the school community. He excelled in his classes. He even got to be homecoming king once...

Not too shabby for a homeschooler.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father

I disagree.

Stupid questions come in the form of:

• Questions asked without seeking answers.
  I don't mean rhetorical questions. I mean the kind of thing I'd say to my wife if I was upset that dinner wasn't ready, "What have you been doing all day?" Those are not my finer moments.
• Questions asked to prove how ignorant another is.
  I did this in high school a few times to prove to myself that my teachers were clueless. ...not a good practice and a very good indication of how much of a prideful punk I was. Notice that I wasn't seeking answers.
• Questions designed to annoy/crush someone.
  Been guilty of this one too. A friend and I were debating birth control. Granted, I felt like she was attacking me personally, but that is no excuse for my scathing question which brought tears to her eyes. This is also related to not seeking answers.

I'm sure there are many other forms, but you get the picture: Questions asked for some reason other than to get answers are not good questions.

But it's so easy, oh so easy, in the heat of a moment to pull out these powerful tools. Rubbing someone's ignorance in their face is so tempting. Smashing someone's position with a loaded question is so easy...

Unless you are met by those who have gracious answers.

Alasandra recently posted some answers to some questions. I thought the questions were interesting and the answers provided--before commenting was closed--are great. My favorite was #4:

Okay. Seriously. If parents are stupid — as in, not all that bright from an academic perspective — should they homeschool?

My answer: Absolutely!

If your education left you "not all that bright from an academic perspective" there is no better time to learn then with your kids. I know I'll be relearning things throughout my life and I hope to constantly learn new things... and I did great from an academic perspective!

The idea of giving up because you're "stupid" is sad to me. Homeschooling offers us a completely different approach: Life-long learning.

It's a beautiful thing.

May our questions--and answers--always be as beautiful.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Surrogate Father