Insecure

'What am I, 12?'

I ask myself that every now and again.

Because I feel that way every now and again.

And I think I've been this way since I turned 13.

I'm insecure. I get bogged down. I'm immature.

Yesterday was one of those days. I struggled to write my post. And after I hit "Publish" I almost went back to add:

ETA: This is a lame post. Feel free to skip. Sorry for wasting your time.

And, as if to prove how far off my preconceptions are, I got fantastic comments that were totally encouraging.

And I read Lysa Terkeurst's latest post which reminded me that half of my insecurity stems from trying to prove that I'm better--or, at least, equal to--other bloggers. 'My thoughts matter! I'm important! Believe in me!'

How quickly I forget that I have specific gifts and talents and I need to use to bless others, not try to make myself look better. You'd think I'd remember a lesson that I first wrote about back in 2006. But no. No, I like to compare myself to every measuring stick that's taller than me. I want to hear not just that I'm "doing enough," but that I'm rocking!

And, being as narcissistic as I am, I'm guessing you're feeling the same way about some area of your life. If that is, say, homeschooling, stop comparing yourself to those who finish a Core in 6 weeks and then move on to differential calculus with their seven year old. Those kinds of tales, while impressive, are usually just depressing because then I wonder what I was doing at that age (search for "composer")...

That's why I much prefer to read stories from people who are successful but not superstars. They're encouraging because I could see myself get there with just a little more time and effort.

And you can too, it just may take a little time and effort.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father