I must confess: I'm feeling rather weighed down at the moment.

I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just stuck in the mud of conflicting ideas. And I guess that's where you end up when you like to look at all sides of issues. It's an unseen consequence of daring to challenge the status quo of everything, including your own beliefs.

It hurts.

But it's a good pain. At least, that's what I tell myself.

And maybe this is one of the reasons I tend to come down so hard and dogmatic about issues: Because if I allow the questions to build up and not just knock them over as they come, I get swamped. Zerged.

Ever feel that way?

Know what I'm talking about?

Maybe it's the feeling that I'm searching for the answers alone.

Alone

'Good grief, Luke. What are you so bogged down about?'

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know." At least, that's what I'd tell my wife.

But I have to soul search more when blogging. And that means that you, including Brittany (hi, wife!), get a more processed response. So the thing that has me down is the tendency for Christian messages to get so warped.

I was reading an absolutely amazing blog last night. In her blog "Et tu?", Jennifer talks about her journey from atheist to Catholic in an incredibly powerful, tangible, and insightful way. But it floored me when she wrote:

[W]hen I heard religious people talk about their morals coming from God, ...I thought that they were basically saying, "we do the right thing because God tells us to," which begged the questions of why they couldn't do the right thing without imagining they were receiving instructions from some unseen deity, and why so many nonbelievers were good people (often better people than the believers). ...

What I discovered years later was that God is not some Man in the Sky who tells us to be good; he is all that is good. To quote the Cynical Christian, when we say that "God is good" we're not describing what God is, we're describing what good is.

Why can't we translate/communicate that for/to people outside Christianity?

Yet this isn't the only thing that has me bummed out. The other side is the internal messages that get so odd. The pop-Christian stuff that gets passed around that isn't Christ-like at all. It sounds good, even has Scripture to back it up, but it lacks depth and reality. It has none of the personable nature of Christ.

I'm not going to link to any of these sites, but they're popular and all things "hip" within Christiandom right now. And it makes me sad.

And so, perhaps, the tears in my eyes are not tears of pain as I initially thought, but rather tears of grief. Sorrow that I am not, as Brittany and I saw so clearly last night reading, a "good" Christian. But it's hard, after a lifetime drenched in grace, to see what it's like to be dry as a bone. And maybe that's one of the many reasons Jennifer's posts are so powerful.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

...the Reaches of Grace.

Last week I wrote about balancing emotion and reason in how we think about and respond to things, especially those issues close to our hearts like homeschooling and religious views. And thinking about the hyper-emotional people we have encountered, it's not too hard to see the problems with leaning too far toward pure emotion.

But what about reason? What are the limits of reason? Why would it be problematic to just be purely reasonable all the time? What could possibly be wrong with that?

That's what's been gnawing on the base of my cerebral cortex for a few days. Thinking about it keeps bringing me back to a conversation I had with a couple people in college. They were in the honors program at my University, and they had been reading Plato (or something) and had been in discussion about logic and reason. "What," one of the girls put to the small group of us, "limits reason?"

I ventured to suggest that Reason itself is not limited. The problem is that we are. Thus, the problem is not Reason, but our use of it. We may be completely reasonable, but without the right knowledge we may come to the wrong conclusion. I know I have.

Thinking back on that now: The same is probably true of Emotion. Emotion is not wrong, but we may respond to it inappropriately.

But where does that leave us? If we can not perfectly utilize the tools available to us, what hope is there?

And that points me back to the beauty of Grace. I have read some amazing stories from moms who know all too well their limitations and short-comings. But what makes their tales so incredible, is the grace they are bathed in. Our foibles wouldn't be nearly as funny or tear-of-joy inducing if it wasn't for the incredible reach of Grace.

May you find yourself wrapped in grace today.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

P.S. After much valiant struggle, I believe I have overcome the windmills of iTunes: The Sonlight Podcasts are available (and subscribe-able!) in iTunes. Click on the following link to be taken to the Sonlight Podcasts in iTunes.

[NB: This is different from the other podcast I initially linked to in iTunes, and I am working with iTunes to get the "dead" podcast off the list. Thanks for bearing with me.]

For a month after we got married, Brittany and I lived in our house without internet. Ten years ago everyone would have shrugged and said, "Eh, that's not so bad."

But we had just graduated from college where, when the T1 lines were packed during "peak hours", you could feel the stress level rise across campus because it would take ten seconds for a page to load. The horror!

Surprisingly, we still managed to function. I knew the area already so we could find a gas station, the grocery store, the library, and how to get to church (it's next door to the library). But how do you contact the phone company to setup your phone service and internet plan without a phone or internet?

I eventually figured out that I needed to go to my sister's house and use her phone.

How do you find the nearest Costco?

Reaching way back into the recesses of my mind, I remembered that there was this thing called a "Phone Book" that also included addresses. I pulled our latest edition out from where it had been buried, and started flipping through the pages.

I was lost.

Even after I found the entry, how was I supposed to figure out how to get there without being able to plug the address into Google Maps?

After that initial month of being disconnected from the world, I am very happy that today I have access to forums, reviews, and other helpful information.

But this got me thinking: I know where I go to get information about technology, but where should I go to get information about homeschooling?

So, enlighten me, please. Where do you go to get information about the various options you have in homeschooling? What sites do you trust for book recommendations (besides Sonlight.com, of course <smile>)? Where do you find the best reviews of curricula? Help me!

I feel like a newly wed without internet, and I want to get connected!

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

I've met plenty of people with really kooky ideas. Unfortunately, as I've grown older, I've noticed that I've held some odd-ball ideas too. I've had my fair share of standing on the metaphorical picket line, waving a banner of some half-baked idea like a half-baked college kid protesting some evil or restriction of freedom.

My Hair Was Curlier Back Then

Where was I? Got lost in my metaphor there.

Ah yes.

If I'm learning anything since those early days of promoting ideas it is this: Caution/Moderation. I have come to see how fallible I am, and despite still being incredibly passionate, I find I check myself more than I used to. I'm more cautious about how I present my ideas. I'm a little more humble.

A little.

I still have a long way to go. A long way.

Two posts today got me thinking about this. First, Dana Hanley at Principled Discovery has a very thought provoking post about homeschool convention culture. And then Andrea of True Moments of Family has a post about emotionalism in Christianity. Both of these posts deal with a kind of "group think" or "group culture" that can lead to potentially damaging ideas.

Perhaps that's what the cheerful people at Despair, Inc. were thinking about when they developed their Meetings poster.

And so, in a group or not, we should carefully consider the things we say and the ideas we support. We must use reason when we make decisions and claims. On the other hand, if we swing too far toward reason, we may end up like Niki in iRobot: With a completely logical, but very destructive idea.

Thus, as I think about Christianity and homeschooling, I hope to approach the topics with enough reason so as not to be driven by emotion, but enough emotion to not be overrun by reason. And maybe that's what it means to have a level head: To be in balance. Not in a Zen kind of way, but in the sense that I'm not flopped too far to one side or another.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

My name is Luke Holzmann. I am the second oldest of four children of John and Sarita Holzmann who founded Sonlight Curriculum.

Photo from My Wedding July 10, 2005:
Justin, Jonelle, Me, Amy, John, Sarita

I was homeschooled with Sonlight as it was developed from 1st through 8th grade. I then attended a public high school and graduated Valedictorian with somewhere around 19-21 Letters (swimming, cross country, academics, band, track, forensics...).

Swimming

I then attended Biola University with academic and swimming scholarships. I graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Mass Comm department with a degree in Motion Picture Production and the "Best Independent Filmmaker" award.

Video Camera

I moved to Englewood, married my college sweetheart Brittany, started my own production company, and produced videos for Sonlight (including MathTacular). I also run a free film school over at Production-Now.com.

Wedding

Brittany and I were in the process of adopting children, and so I needed something with slightly more reliability and benefits than working as an Independent Contractor could afford. Thus, I applied for the role of "Media Relations Specialist" at Sonlight Curriculum where I now blog regularly, produce videos, and update the website among other things.

While waiting on the adoption, we took in two girls for many months. After they went back to their parents, and with the start of 2011, our adoption journey ended. In 2013 we hosted my cousin from Germany for a year.

On Saturday's, my wife and I host Movie Night. High school and college-aged kids -- "our kids" -- show up and stay until about midnight. Several will stop by throughout the week to hang out as well. It's amazing.

In February of 2018, we were blessed with a daughter. She's a little young, but we're planning to use Sonlight when the time comes.

Daughter

We've covered the "Filmmaker" and "Surrogate Father/Empty Nester/Guardian/Pseudo-Dad" bits of my signature line, so what about the "Writer" part?

Well, I am blog here. I'm also a published author. And I'm working on a completely different book with my best friend from college. I also write poetry for fun and novels for NaNoWriMo.

Me and Jason Writing

So, there it is: Luke Holzmann's biography in about 500 words.

Please feel free to ask about whatever else if you're interested in learning more.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Father

My family has lunch together after church on Sundays. As is typical, we talk.

Loudly.

No one has complained recently. <smile>

We got to talking about the fiasco of the latest iPhone launch. Since one of my friends works at an Apple store, I got to hear about the long lines, the issues, and the disturbed customers without having to wait in line for 9 hours for the chance to buy a really expensive phone plan, or deal with the issues of false advertising. Even so, they sold a million of the puppies.

A million.

And my friend is very happy working at Apple because they are dedicated to making people's lives better through their products. To which my sister said, "I think that's just how people sleep at night." See, while in school she did a little piece for Nestle in which her contact fully believed that the pre-packaged cookie dough was going to help families bond together.

My sister was less than convinced. And so she left the advertising world to start working for Sonlight, "Because Sonlight really does make people's lives better."

And, like most other companies out there, that is the goal.

But does Sonlight accomplish this? If you use Sonlight's curriculum, will your family bond, enjoy reading, develop a life-long love of learning, and basically improve your life?

Yes.

That was my family's experience. And that certainly sounds like what's happening for many other people as well.

But don't take my word for it. After working out the kinks, I am pleased to announce that I have been able to add at "Sonlight Moments" widget to my blog, which pulls from that forum where people post about how Sonlight has enriched their lives.

[NB: This public version of the forum is still really new, so please go add your "Sonlight Moments" too!]

What's that? You want to add this widget to your blog as well?

Well, I'm working on getting that for you, but I'm stuck at the moment. So I need more time to figure this out. Once I do, I'll post it on the blog.

For the time being, if you really want the code now, let me know and I'll be happy to email it to you in a file (lholzmann[at]sonlight[dot]com).

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

First: An apology.

It seems as though my enthusiasm for Sonlight's inclusion in iTunes has smacked into the harsh reality of internet mysteries. And so, for the time being, it is impossible to download the Sonlight podcast episodes in iTunes.

We think it may be a Firewall issue, and I have alerted some of the best minds to the problem. But, because they are the best, they also happen to be busy. So, this may take awhile.

Sorry.

Until then, please note that you can still listen to (and download) the files from sonlight.com/podcasts.html.

Second: An update.

The fires have not died down since Wednesday on the debate over a "hostage cracker"*.

Again, I call for a level-headed, even-handed approach to this topic. And so, let us start from the top:

Bill Donohue has pointed out that, since Paul Zachary Myers (PZ) posted his pledge to desecrate the Eucharist on a blog connected to the University of Minnesota Morris, his actions should fall under the code of the school; most notably, the requirement that students and faculty be "respectful, fair and civil". And, if you read PZ's comments, he is anything but that.

On the other hand, to then go on to say that "It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ" goes too far for me. In fact, in PZ's initial rant on the topic (as I briefly quoted on Wednesday), he points out one thing that seems to be at least on par (namely, the vicious murders of homosexuals).

But beyond this, PZ doesn't accept the fact that it is the Body of Christ (it's just a cracker to him). And so Bill's comment is aimed at stirring up the already angry Catholic crowd.

That is a misstep, I think.

[NB: Again, the following links go to the "scientific community" where rage, hatred, and profanity abound.]

The other side has come back with claims that "The Christians are trying to Shut Down Pharyngula".

Not totally true. But...

PZ claims, and I have no problems believing him, that

I have received 39 pieces of personal hate mail.... Four of them have included death threats.... Thirty-four of them have demanded that I be fired. Twenty-five of them have told me to desecrate a copy of the Koran, instead.... I even have one email that says I should be fired, that the author would like to kill me, and that I only criticize because Catholics are so gentle and kind.

This is certainly not a "level-headed, even-handed approach to this topic". Of course, neither are the comments following his post (most of which would not be post-able on a site that was not rated for "inappropriate content").

And so, since I think we should be active members in our community, I encourage you to get involved if you feel so inclined. Just like PZ, I encourage you to share your thoughts with the University's President: Robert H. Bruininks (bruin001[at]umn[dot]edu) or by mail (if PZ's information is correct):

202 Morrill Hall
100 Church Street S.E.
University of Minnesota
Minneapolis, MN 55455

But as you sit down to write, please keep these three things in mind:

1. Writing in rage will not help [James 1:20]. It tends to diminish your ability to articulate clearly, accurately, and lovingly--all of which we need more of from the Christian community [2 Corinthians 6:3-10].

2. Please stick to facts and truths, not sensationalism or wild (or religious) claims. Telling those who do not hold to Transubstantiation that this is an offense against Christ Himself won't really do much except, perhaps, bring insults back on you. Rather, point out the disrespectful actions and ask for an appropriate response from the University.

3. Use your real name and contact information. Be accountable for what you say.

Here's a chance for you to use your fantastic education, your experience with diffusing escalating situations at home, and your focused worldview to demonstrate a winsome and effective response in the midst of fire and brimstone.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

*I would like to point out that this is a prime example of the propensity for the media to make something sound far worse than it actually is. If I recall, no one said they were holding anything "hostage". Ah, the unbiased, non-sensationalistic nature of the "just the facts" news.