My in-laws arrive tonight for a visit. My wife is very excited to see her family again, and this next week should be a lot of fun. And while we have tremendous support from both our families in adopting and homeschooling, I know this isn't a reality for everyone.

Much like the quintessential annoying mother-in-law.

I've never experienced that myself. I get along "famously" with my mother-in-law. I think it has something to do with the fact that, over my life, I have found that girl's mothers like me before their daughters. Ah well.

But some people do have bothersome in-laws and relatives who "get in their business" and are generally troublemakers.

How do you deal with that?

I'll give a few ideas, but without experiencing it myself, I feel a little out of my league. Though, there is a great support resource for this (and other woes) on the Sonlight Forums.

First, as with most troublemakers, we need to keep our cool. I have proven, time and time again, that responding with blood boiling doesn't lead to any kind of resolution. It may feel good to blast someone, but it certainly doesn't bring about peace. Trust me.

Second, we need to become okay with living our own lives. I talk with a lot of high school and college aged kids who struggle with the transition from child to adult. This transition can be equally difficult for their parents, and learning to work together on this can help a lot. Unfortunately, I realize this problem sometimes crops up again when we go through another major life change (often involving kids).

Third, communicate--even if that means asking people to step back. I have a tendency to go after people who bug me, pointing out their errors. Others simply withdraw, convinced it is better just to sever all ties. Both of these approaches are really about ending communication. My approach has the goal of silencing the other person permanently when they see that I am right. The other approach hopes that people just leave them alone forever. Instead, we must strike a delicate balance between these two extremes and really talk the issues over. Sometimes that does mean strongly arguing your case, and sometimes it means you need to ask them just to "lay off" for a while. But we should communicate to get to an understanding, not just jettison the problem.

So, there you have it: My three tips for dealing with both the "in-laws" and the "outlaws" you come across; relative, mortal enemy, or bothersome person on the internet.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Sarita talked about using books as a foundation for a great homeschooling experience at the virtual conference today. The talk went well, and it was fun to be in the chat room while she spoke.

Literature provides a really great way to learn, and is the foundation of Sonlight's Core programs.

"But what about books on tape?" one woman asked earlier in the day.

The chat room lit up as people gave a nod toward audio books. I also chimed in: I think they are great!

Someone mentioned that read-alouds should not be replaced, but audio books are great for other titles. And I agree: There is something special about reading aloud together as a family. But for books your children want to imbibe on their own, audio books are great.

I'm a slow reader. I often joke that I can write faster than I can read. So, for me, books on tape are fantastic. I listened to all of "Crime and Punishment" on tape in High School. And it wasn't very hard to write my papers from memory after listening to the tape.

I started listening to books on tape while trying to get through "Heart of Darkness". When I got to Chapter 2, I started the tape, turned down the volume and read as fast as I could. I got to the end of the chapter, barely retaining any of the story, and turned up the sound again.

The tape was only two pages behind me.

I switched to books on tape after that. And it's great because I can get some "reading" done in the car. I've even listened to the whole Bible multiple times in my short commute. So, while books are fantastic, and reading together extremely important, don't forget the beauty of audio books.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Title link here.

So, my younger sister had her baby. It didn't go exactly as planned, but both my sister and her daughter are alive and stable.

It was pretty crazy yesterday. My wife and I were at my parents' house all day, keeping my mom company while we waited for the latest news about what was happening at the hospital.

Thus, today seems to be about babies.

My dad had a recent post about the medical world's odd stance on home births and abortion. This links nicely with a post from Scott pointing to an article about how abortion looks a lot like "Black genocide". But couple this with a very insightful post from Jennifer about how she used to be irritated that people would lump pro-choicers with those who killed babies and we end up with a rather crazy mix of emotions and thoughts.

I mean, my sister almost lost her baby yesterday. It was really emotional--especially for her, her husband, and my parents--and yet there are many people who want to get rid of their babies before they are even born.

It feels surreal.

I guess.

I guess that's what I'm feeling.

Okay, back to preparing for the Heart of the Matter Conference. It's been a pretty crazy Monday... especially when I realized that the conference starts on Wednesday instead of Thursday.

How did I get that wrong?

Wednesday is the new Thursday.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback about my Heart of the Matter article. I appreciate your kind words very, very much.

Yet, I left people hanging.

So here I will quickly, and not very formally, address the issues raised in my Bible class all those years ago. I went looking for my notes so I could provide references and double check my information, but I couldn't find them. They are buried somewhere that isn't with the rest of my college Bible notes. Sorry--this is going to be from memory (and if my prof. reads this, he'll be able to see how effective his class was in promoting long-term retention. Please don't change my grade <smile>).

1. No record of the census despite historical record of other censuses at this time.

It is likely that there were many censuses taken on a regular basis. The fact that we do not have record of every single one of them is to be expected. And, if we assume the Bible to be historically accurate (which we can with good reason*), then we really do have historical record of the census.

2. Quirinius is called a "governor" but we know he was not at this time.

An equally legitimate rendering/translation of the original word could be "leader". And while Quirinius was not a governor yet, he was involved in local leadership. ...I'm pretty sure there was another point to this, but it has slipped my mind. (I wish I had found my notes.)

3. The Romans did not require people to register in their home town, but Joseph takes Mary to Bethlehem.

The Romans didn't care where people registered, just that they did. However, lineage is very important to the Jews, so they would voluntarily travel to their home towns to keep the records straight.

So, there you have it. The answers to those three problems.

But this does beg the question: Where do we go if don't know the answer to a question?

Know of any great Bible reference material? I currently use the IVP Bible Background Commentary and Strong's. What else is good out there? I'm always looking for more great resources.

Thanks again for reading and commenting on my article!

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

*Luke has shown himself to be an excellent historian in many other passages (the Bible has also shown itself to be historically reliable), thus the logic is that if he has shown himself accurate time and time again, he is likely to be right here as well.

I must confess: I'm feeling rather weighed down at the moment.

I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just stuck in the mud of conflicting ideas. And I guess that's where you end up when you like to look at all sides of issues. It's an unseen consequence of daring to challenge the status quo of everything, including your own beliefs.

It hurts.

But it's a good pain. At least, that's what I tell myself.

And maybe this is one of the reasons I tend to come down so hard and dogmatic about issues: Because if I allow the questions to build up and not just knock them over as they come, I get swamped. Zerged.

Ever feel that way?

Know what I'm talking about?

Maybe it's the feeling that I'm searching for the answers alone.

Alone

'Good grief, Luke. What are you so bogged down about?'

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know." At least, that's what I'd tell my wife.

But I have to soul search more when blogging. And that means that you, including Brittany (hi, wife!), get a more processed response. So the thing that has me down is the tendency for Christian messages to get so warped.

I was reading an absolutely amazing blog last night. In her blog "Et tu?", Jennifer talks about her journey from atheist to Catholic in an incredibly powerful, tangible, and insightful way. But it floored me when she wrote:

[W]hen I heard religious people talk about their morals coming from God, ...I thought that they were basically saying, "we do the right thing because God tells us to," which begged the questions of why they couldn't do the right thing without imagining they were receiving instructions from some unseen deity, and why so many nonbelievers were good people (often better people than the believers). ...

What I discovered years later was that God is not some Man in the Sky who tells us to be good; he is all that is good. To quote the Cynical Christian, when we say that "God is good" we're not describing what God is, we're describing what good is.

Why can't we translate/communicate that for/to people outside Christianity?

Yet this isn't the only thing that has me bummed out. The other side is the internal messages that get so odd. The pop-Christian stuff that gets passed around that isn't Christ-like at all. It sounds good, even has Scripture to back it up, but it lacks depth and reality. It has none of the personable nature of Christ.

I'm not going to link to any of these sites, but they're popular and all things "hip" within Christiandom right now. And it makes me sad.

And so, perhaps, the tears in my eyes are not tears of pain as I initially thought, but rather tears of grief. Sorrow that I am not, as Brittany and I saw so clearly last night reading, a "good" Christian. But it's hard, after a lifetime drenched in grace, to see what it's like to be dry as a bone. And maybe that's one of the many reasons Jennifer's posts are so powerful.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

...the Reaches of Grace.

Last week I wrote about balancing emotion and reason in how we think about and respond to things, especially those issues close to our hearts like homeschooling and religious views. And thinking about the hyper-emotional people we have encountered, it's not too hard to see the problems with leaning too far toward pure emotion.

But what about reason? What are the limits of reason? Why would it be problematic to just be purely reasonable all the time? What could possibly be wrong with that?

That's what's been gnawing on the base of my cerebral cortex for a few days. Thinking about it keeps bringing me back to a conversation I had with a couple people in college. They were in the honors program at my University, and they had been reading Plato (or something) and had been in discussion about logic and reason. "What," one of the girls put to the small group of us, "limits reason?"

I ventured to suggest that Reason itself is not limited. The problem is that we are. Thus, the problem is not Reason, but our use of it. We may be completely reasonable, but without the right knowledge we may come to the wrong conclusion. I know I have.

Thinking back on that now: The same is probably true of Emotion. Emotion is not wrong, but we may respond to it inappropriately.

But where does that leave us? If we can not perfectly utilize the tools available to us, what hope is there?

And that points me back to the beauty of Grace. I have read some amazing stories from moms who know all too well their limitations and short-comings. But what makes their tales so incredible, is the grace they are bathed in. Our foibles wouldn't be nearly as funny or tear-of-joy inducing if it wasn't for the incredible reach of Grace.

May you find yourself wrapped in grace today.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

P.S. After much valiant struggle, I believe I have overcome the windmills of iTunes: The Sonlight Podcasts are available (and subscribe-able!) in iTunes. Click on the following link to be taken to the Sonlight Podcasts in iTunes.

[NB: This is different from the other podcast I initially linked to in iTunes, and I am working with iTunes to get the "dead" podcast off the list. Thanks for bearing with me.]

For a month after we got married, Brittany and I lived in our house without internet. Ten years ago everyone would have shrugged and said, "Eh, that's not so bad."

But we had just graduated from college where, when the T1 lines were packed during "peak hours", you could feel the stress level rise across campus because it would take ten seconds for a page to load. The horror!

Surprisingly, we still managed to function. I knew the area already so we could find a gas station, the grocery store, the library, and how to get to church (it's next door to the library). But how do you contact the phone company to setup your phone service and internet plan without a phone or internet?

I eventually figured out that I needed to go to my sister's house and use her phone.

How do you find the nearest Costco?

Reaching way back into the recesses of my mind, I remembered that there was this thing called a "Phone Book" that also included addresses. I pulled our latest edition out from where it had been buried, and started flipping through the pages.

I was lost.

Even after I found the entry, how was I supposed to figure out how to get there without being able to plug the address into Google Maps?

After that initial month of being disconnected from the world, I am very happy that today I have access to forums, reviews, and other helpful information.

But this got me thinking: I know where I go to get information about technology, but where should I go to get information about homeschooling?

So, enlighten me, please. Where do you go to get information about the various options you have in homeschooling? What sites do you trust for book recommendations (besides Sonlight.com, of course <smile>)? Where do you find the best reviews of curricula? Help me!

I feel like a newly wed without internet, and I want to get connected!

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father